


In Treatment

by RydiaPryde



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Cameos, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Growing Up, Healing, Humor, Romantic Fluff, Some Other FF Characters Appear But Not a Crossover, Squall Leonhart being Squall Leonhart, Squinoa Fluff, Therapy, lets face it they all would have been messed up, squalls inner monologue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:20:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 32,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22806199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RydiaPryde/pseuds/RydiaPryde
Summary: Follow Squall as he goes through mandatory group therapy after Time Compression.  Watch him learn more about himself and his relationships while being treated to his ever-entertaining inner monologue.  Will he be able to connect with Laguna?  Can he tell Rinoa how he feels?  What about the rest of the group?  Humor, Fluff, and Final Fantasy Cameos abound.
Relationships: Irvine Kinneas/Selphie Tilmitt, Rinoa Heartilly/Squall Leonhart, Squall Leonhart & Laguna Loire
Comments: 35
Kudos: 33





	1. Prologue

**In Treatment**

**Prologue**

* * *

It was finally over. The ten tortuous sessions that all of the Fated Children had been forced to participate in after Time Compression. Cid had thought it was important to have them evaluated by a psychiatrist after the adrenaline subsided from the second Sorceress War. Each of them had to sit down for ten one-on-one sessions. No arguments were heard. No exceptions made. Not even for the Garden Commander.

The initial adrenaline let down after the Time Compression was at first rewarding. If Squall was honest with himself at least, there was something nice about being able to breath and not constantly fight. After the celebration, and the calm, then came the anxiety. The paranoia. There was always going to be an enemy lurking around somewhere.

Squall supposed there was mild benefit from the mandatory sessions or at least that was what he had told Cid. He was just glad it was finally over. Being forced to talk about his feelings for an hour straight for almost three months, while Kadowaki asked him about his personal life and dreams, was quite possibly the most painful experience of his life.

Far more painful than sharing a tent with Zell after he had eaten a can of gas-producing beans.

Far more painful than the week when Selphie planned the Garden Festival and broke up with Irvine at the same time.

Far more painful than one of Quistis' banal and tragically long lectures on 'proper leadership'.

Even far more painful than the visit to Laguna that Rinoa had dragged him on.

There was another thing that really bugged him, Garden's Dr. Kadowaki had referred them all to a psychologist, Dr. _Jane_ Kadowaki, her sister. Wasn't there some sort of ethical boundary of patient privacy that had been breached? Was this a giant scheme to get healthcare reimbursement?

His brief reverie was interrupted by the conversation that had been ensuing around him as he had been deep in thought.

"Hyne, thank goodness that's done. Can you believe that Kadowaki thought I might have an eating disorder?" Zell's flailing expressive hands flipped his cafeteria tray next to him, one of the hot dogs teetering close to the edge. "I mean, I clearly eat enough."

Squall rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

( _That's the understatement of the year.)_

"Over eating is an eating disorder too, Zell..." Quistis facepalmed as Zell panicked at the stray hot dog, carefully placing it back on his tray.

" _Over_ eating? gfdllkgj gGFslmi lsid, Quistmflg," Zell mumbled, bun sticking out of his mouth thankfully impeding the rest of whatever he was planning on saying.

Squall chose not to comment, knowing that if he expressed all his thoughts, he may effectively end his friendship with Zell permanently. And Zell was a very forgiving person, no less. No, Squall wasn't that heartless. Rinoa had been mercifully patient with him, and one of the things he had learned was while she loved the fact that he was finally saying what was in his head, it was also sometimes important to _not_ say everything.

"Zell, that is _craziness_. But, like, I'm not surprised, she didn't get me at _all_ either. She thought I was like… ugh, let's not talk about it. She's making me go to _more_ sessions. Can you believe that?" Selphie pointed her fork forcefully in Zell's direction to emphasize her frustration.

_(They can do that?)_

Squall looked over at Selphie curiously. He felt a gentle hand on his leg giving a squeeze.

"We don't know what you're thinking, Squall," Rinoa murmured in his ear.

The Commander sighed. "She can make you go to more therapy?"

Selphie jabbed her fork roughly in the hot dog on her plate, causing Zell to flinch. "I _guess_. So lame, right?"

Rinoa reached over Squall, pilfering a fry off of his plate."Why did she want you to come back, Self?"

"She said I was, like, _co-dependent_ or something. Like, I focus all my happiness on other people, or whatever. I mean, I don't _have_ to go to more sessions, right? It's super lame and you'll fix it, right, Squally?"

Squall shrugged. Selphie's emotions being dependent on other things and people? The woman cried hysterically for days in her room when he said the Garden Festival _might_ be delayed by an hour this year. That prompted Irvine to threaten ruining his favorite leather jacket in order to have him recant the statement. Maybe Kadowaki #2 wasn't as big of a quack as he thought.

"Zell, you're on your _fifth_ hot dog, that can't be good for you. Those things are full of terrible chemicals and ingredients," Quistis took of her glasses and carefully put them away in their case. "And Selphie, you're not the _only_ one. She said I have control issues. Though, she _did_ recommend that I be reinstated as an instructor."

Everyone shifted uncomfortably at the table, forcefully looking away from Quistis.

Quistis glanced around the table, her head quickly jerking back and forth. "I'm not controlling, am I?"

No one spoke.

" _Am_ I?" Quistis stood up quickly, pushing her chair back causing it to loudly scrape against the cafeteria floor. "I... I have to go," she mumbled apologetically quickly exiting the room.

Irvine coughed and attempted to casually drop his arm around Selphie's shoulder. "Come on, darlin, it's not _that_ bad. You might learn something, right?" He winked over at the petite brunette next to him. "Me, on the other hand, she thought I was just 'bout perfect."

 _(Yeah right, you probably just heard what you wanted to_.)

Squall tried not to roll his eyes.

Selphie raised an eyebrow. "Didn't she call you a narcissist?"

"Nothing wrong with a healthy dose of narcissism, darlin," Irvine tipped his hat with a grin.

"How did it go for you, Squall?" Rinoa squeezed his leg again gently, shifting her chair closer to his.

_(I am not going to talk about this in front of everyone.)_

Squall sighed. "It's over. That's all there is to say."

Rinoa wrinkled her nose and leaned her body onto the table so she could tilt her head to look up at him. "Hmm... while my Squall-dar isn't as good as Quisty's, it's telling me that the good Doc got under your skin."

" _Booyaka_! Rinny you are _so_ right, look at his face!" Selphie squealed.

Squall rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

"It's okay, Squall. I mean, we all have things to adjust to after what we've been through, it's nothing to be embarrassed about," The young Sorceress cast her eyes to the table, her hand reaching up to her hair to twirl it between her fingers. A nervous habit she had picked up in adolescence.

"What happened with you, Rinny?" Selphie's voice had finally dropped to a normal decibel.

Rinoa frowned, and pulled the piece of hair in front of her, glancing for split ends. It conveniently made her look disinterested as well as forcing her to not have to look at her companions. "I... my sessions have to continue one-on-one and they have also been making me see Odine." She laughed nervously. " _Lame_ , right?"

 _(I had no idea)_

Squall looked over at her and placed his hand on her knee under the table reassuringly, as she had done for him earlier.

Selphie was opening her mouth to speak but the loudspeaker interrupted her.

" _ **Leonhart, Squall, please report to the bridge."**_

Squall sighed and stood up, placing his hand on Rinoa's shoulder gently as he walked away. "Meet me later?"

Short but sweet. They had adjusted to each other enough over the past few months to the point where Rinoa no longer had to ask where or when he was referring to. She let him be quiet, she let him be himself, and she loved him for it. He was a lucky man.

* * *

Squall made his way to the bridge, each step increasing his sense of dread. His nervous anticipation was justified as the elevator doors opened and he found Cid, Dr. Kadwaki and Kadowaki #2 standing together.

 _(Why can't they just leave me alone?)_

Squall pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Sit down, Squall," Cid gestured to one of the plush seats in the office.

_(If I sit, you will make me listen to you babble on for hours.)_

"I'm fine," Squall stood at full attention, hands clasped behind his back.

"Sit _down_ , Squall," Cid commanded this time.

The Commander realized it was not a merely polite offer. He sighed audibly and sat on the aforementioned chair. "I completed the required ten weeks, sir."

"I know, Squall," Cid dipped his hands into his pockets and leaned back on his desk. For a man who wore sweater vests he had a way of being very subtly threatening. He was lazy and absent about ninety percent of the time, but the ten percent he was active were miserable for everyone.

Dr. Jane Kadowaki (AKA Kadowaki #2) cleared her throat. "Squall, it is in my professional opinion that ten weeks were not adequate."

_(Yeah, well, I don't think very much of your professional opinion.)_

"Given that, I am recommending that you attend a support group on trauma."

Squall's eyes widened.

( _Are you freaking kidding me?)_

He was opening his mouth to speak, but one glare from Cid shut him up. It was clear there was no arguing this.

_(This is a joke.)_

_(This is a sick and cruel joke orchestrated by Laguna and Selphie.)_

"There is a group held weekly in Balamb, Tuesdays at four in the afternoon."

 _(And let me guess,_ _**you** _ _are the preceptor.)_

"It is led by Dr. Georgina Kadowaki."

At the last comment, Squall couldn't help it and his facade cracked. "You have a third sister?" The question was directed at Garden's Dr. Kadowaki.

"Good heavens, no." Garden Kadowaki said, flashing a quick grin to Squall. "She's my sister-in-law. My brother's wife."

"Sir, I-" Squall wasn't completely sure how to phrase his protest.

_(There is no way in hell you can make me do this.)_

_(What trauma have I even been through, anyway?)_

_(Assholes Anonymous, sure I could see maybe going there, but…)_

_(I should have just stayed quiet and none of this would have happened.)_

"Squall, this is final. _Period_. You _will_ complete a _minimum_ of ten sessions, and it _must_ be signed off by the precepting physician. If you fail to complete this, I will have to relieve you of your duties."

"Fine," Squall grunted as he stood up quickly. "Are we done?"

Squall didn't wait for the answer as he strode out of the room.

Garden Kadowaki clicked her tongue. "Well, that went well. Nonetheless, I agree with my sister. I think this will be good for the Commander. He has seen way too much at such a young age, the poor thing must always be looking over his shoulder."

Dr. Jane Kadowaki nodded at her sister. "Yes, sister. We will see how Mr. Leonhart does...

In Treatment..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a story I wrote nearly 8 years ago that is getting a much needed face lift. I am embarrassed by my old writing.
> 
> This story is no way is making light of mental illness or therapy. Quite the contrary.


	2. Week 1: Abandonment

**In Treatment**

**Week 1: Abandonment**

* * *

Squall sighed and bit his tongue, choosing not to further engage in this endless circle.

( _What do you want from me? What else am I supposed to say?)_

"Squall, I just... does it make a difference if I'm _here_?" Rinoa and he had been going through the same conversation for what felt like hours.

Rinoa: 'Do you want me here?' Squall: 'Yes.' Rinoa: 'But do _you_ want me here.' Squall: 'I just answered that.' Repeat.

_(Of course it makes a difference. I like you here.)_

"Rinoa, you're safe at Garden." Squall said instead.

"Oh... well, I'm glad you care that I'm _safe,"_ the way she spat out the word made Squall think that he had said the wrong thing. Again.

Rinoa seemed irritated and Squall didn't understand. Of course he wanted her safe and close. He was her knight, and more than that, he cared. Garden, where their friends and he could keep an eye on her, was absolutely the best place for her, especially since the Lunar Cry.

The Commander had no idea that what Rinoa really wanted to hear was that he _wanted,_ no, _needed_ her close. To want her close for reasons that had nothing to do with being a Sorceress, or a knight, or Garden, or anything. Just for _her._ For love.

Squall, being new to relationships in general, let alone romantic ones, still had difficulty expressing himself. Accepting that emotion may be a trigger for behavior was still a somewhat foreign concept. All of his decisions were based on strategy and data. Calm, cool, and collected.

"Okay?" He offered, hoping to appease her.

_(Why is she so angry? It was easier when I didn't talk to people.)_

"Rin… I have to go." He had a large stack of papers that were demanding his attention and causing him more headaches than he liked to admit.

Rinoa huffed her bangs out of her eyes and crossed her arms. "Of course, Garden awaits, right? Well, I guess I'll just sit and _wait_..."

( _I don't have time for games right now, can't you see that, Rinoa?)_

Squall sighed audibly. "Wait for what?"

"Wait for what? Seriou-" Rinoa shook her head and stalked towards the door. "Just forget it!" She slammed it behind her.

_(Whatever.)_

* * *

Squall frowned as he examined the cookie display in front of him. He had already tried the watered-down coffee and was debating whether or not to try one of the depressing looking cookies.

_(Sprinkles? Chocolate? Jam? I wonder if which cookie I choose will tell something about my personality?)_

_(Hyne, I hate this.)_

Sighing in indignation, he grabbed a sugar cookie and flopped down in a folded chair, glaring at his Styrofoam cup angrily.

An attractive, curvy, slightly chubby woman in her thirties or forties sat down next to him. She was sharply dressed with wavy blonde hair pulled back in a bun at the nape of her neck. Her facial features and pale skin made it obvious that she wasn't from Balamb, or Galbadia, for that matter.

The woman cleared her throat. "All right, folks... let's begin." Squall detected the faintest of accents.

_(Must be Dr. Georgina Kadowaki.)_

The few other stragglers meandering by the cookie table made their way to the circle of chairs and sat down. There were about ten in total. Garden training kicking in, Squall looked for a connecting theme between the people in the group. He couldn't seem to find one.

Prior to coming to this first session he had expected them all to be soldiers; however, there was a girl younger than him, a woman in her fifties, a girl his age who looked like she was jumping out of her skin, a middle aged man who did not look like he had ever seen a battle field, and finally one other soldier. Or so he surmised based on the way the man carried himself.

The blonde woman handed Squall a sheet of paper. "Here are the rules for the group, Squall. Please take them seriously."

Squall grimaced. The doctor knew his name which meant that Garden had told her to be looking for him.

Dr. Georgina Kadowaki smiled kindly at him. "Would you like to introduce yourself to everyone?"

_(No.)_

Squall grunted. "I'm Squall." He half expected everyone to answer with a 'Hi, Squall.' but they didn't.

She looked expectantly at him and nodded to him to keep talking... apparently wanting a life story.

_(Five minutes down, fifty-five to go. Why is she looking at me like I am going to say something?)_

After it became clear the Commander wasn't going to share anything else, Kadowaki prompted him. "And what brings you to our group, Squall?"

"Work."

"My, my how succinct. It's alright, participation is not mandatory... sometimes listening is all you need." Dr Kadowaki nodded at him and gave a reassuring smile.

_(Thank Hyne.)_

Squall looked down at the sheet of paper the woman handed him. It was important to know the rules of the group. Getting kicked out would not go over well with Cid.

_Because confidentiality is essential, we expect that each person will respect and maintain the confidentiality of the group. What is said in the group is not to be repeated or discussed at any other time or place._

_We are here to share our own feelings and experiences; we try not to give advice._

_We each share the responsibility for making this group work._

_We try to accept people, just as they are, and we avoid making judgments._

_We try to give everyone an opportunity to share._

_We have the right to speak and the right to remain silent._

_We give supportive attention to the person who is speaking and avoid side conversations._

_We avoid interrupting. If we do break in, we return the conversation to the person who was speaking._

_We have the right to ask questions and the right to refuse to answer._

_We try to be aware of our own feelings and talk about what is present to us now, rather than what life was like for us in the past._

_We do not discuss group members who are not present._

_We begin and end our meetings on time._

_(Okay, it could be worse.)_

"By the way, everyone calls me Dr. G for 'Georgina'." She was addressing him again, then turned to the rest of the group. "Now, who would like to share today?"

Dr. G nodded towards a girl who looked to be in her twenties. She was pretty with long dark hair. She reminded him a little bit of Rinoa except her eyes were cold and angry, whereas Rinoa's were always warm. She also had a penchant for leather, apparently, and Squall could certainly appreciate that. He made a mental note to ask her where she bought her belts if the opportunity arose.

Dr G acknowledged that the woman wanted to speak. "Yes, Lulu."

"I have decided that I am not going to date Wakka after all." The icy woman, 'Lulu', folded her arms in front of her chest.

_(Please tell me I do not have to listen to this woman's relationship problems. This is worse than Irvine talking about 'cougars'.)_

One of the older gentlemen in the group hmphed. "Figures, Lu, you liked him too much."

Squall raised an eyebrow at the man's statement.

( _Why would she break up with someone she likes. Wait... stop Squall, don't engage.)_

Dr G nodded. "Well, I can't say that I'm surprised either based on what you said last week. Why did you pull away from him, Lulu?"

Lulu shrugged. "He... it just…wouldn't have worked out."

"We have to be honest with the group, Lu, or therapy isn't effective." The doctor continued. She then turned her gaze over to Squall. "Squall, you might be able to help her."

_(What? I'm a soldier not a lover.)_

Squall shook his head. "Doubt it."

A man that was named 'Setzer' grunted towards Squall. "Start by asking the lovely lady why she graces us with her presence at this here group."

_(If I ask her then she will start talking again... rather not.)_

Realizing that forcing through would get the pressure off him, Squall relented. "Fine. What is your problem?"

( _Okay, that came out sort of mean, even for me.)_

He tried again. "Um, that is, why are you in this group?"

Lulu gazed at her nails as if they were the most interesting things on the planet. "Well, supposedly I have trouble with abandonment after my fiancé, Chappu, was killed in the war. Which is foolish, I've grieved for him, it's been ten years."

_(What does that have to do with trauma? Am I in the right group?)_

Dr. G nodded understandingly. "And have you had another relationship since him, Lulu?"

"Well… yes and no. I just don't _feel_ like dating anyone. I do not see a point to it. Wakka was the first person that got even close." Lulu said.

Instead of looking at Lulu, Dr. G looked over at Squall pointedly. "Lulu, why do you not see a point in _getting close_ to anyone?"

_(Why is she looking at me when she's talking to that girl?)_

Lulu shifted uncomfortable in her seat, and not due to the leather sticking to the plastic. "Because... Wakka will just…leave. Just like they all do." She finally admitted softly.

Unexpected by all, except maybe Dr. G who somehow seemed clairvoyant, Squall spoke. "You'll end up alone again."

_(Merciful Hyne… Did I just say that out loud?)_

A small smile graced Lulu's lip. "Exactly. He'll leave and I'll have to feel that pain all over again. It is easier to just not get close, I suppose." She laughed a bit to herself, "I should be thanking him for even putting up with me."

_(Putting up with..? Does Rinoa have to put up with me? I guess I can be cold sometimes. Am I like Lulu? Was I that put off by closeness... because of 'Sis?)_

_(Was that why Rin was so angry this morning? Because I don't seem to understand how patient she is with me? She wanted to know that I_ _**wanted** _ _her there... just for her. Is it really that simple?)_

_(Wait a second... I thought this was supposed to be about Ultimecia.)_

_(I hate this.)_

As if reading his mind, Dr. G spoke again. "That was quite insightful, Lulu. Thank you for sharing."

She continued. "You see, Squall, ' _trauma_ ' is a relative term. You don't have to hold your dying friend in your arms, like one of our other members here, to have a traumatic event. Trauma is different to different people, but we all tend to react the same way. You become _stuck_. Stuck in time. Lulu, for example, was so shaken by her fiancé's death that she cannot allow anyone to get close to her. Cloud, over there, watched his best friend die in war. Rydia lost her mother in a fire at a young age. Magus lost his favorite cat."

_(A cat? Seriously?)_

"It's relative to the person, you see. You, as a soldier, probably are able to handle more than the average person in terms of the violence and pain of war. But, you might be quite traumatized by losing your favorite sword." Squall had a sneaking suspicion that Dr. G was teasing him just slightly with that statement.

"Gunblade," Squall corrected her.

( _I would be pretty upset if I lost Lionheart, probably lock myself in my room for a month.)_

Dr. G smiled. "Gunblade. I stand corrected."

She turned again to the woman in black. "Lulu, your homework is to talk to Wakka and tell him why you are afraid. In fact, that is an assignment for all of you. Tell someone you care about what scares you." She glanced at her watch. "Oh my, time went fast. That's it for the week. I will see you all next week. Congratulations on a very productive session."

_(Time's up already? That went faster than I thought it would)._

As the members slowly stood from their seats and headed towards the door, Lulu walked up to Squall and gave him a very small smile. "Thanks. When someone important leaves you, I suppose it is easier to push everyone away."

Squall blinked.

( _I never should have talked. Now this girl will think we are 'friends' or something.)_

( _Why is she still looking at me? Am I supposed to say something? Fine.)_

"But, your fiancé didn't leave by choice. He died."

( _Smooth, Squall. Way to rub salt in her wound.)_

A surprised look briefly crossed Lulu's features before her icy mask returned and she shook her head. "Well then, maybe I don't have an excuse anymore. He didn't _choose_ to leave but was taken... what a thought. Well, have a lovely evening, Squall."

_(Lulu's fiancé was taken. He didn't leave. "Taken"... like 'Sis. She didn't choose to leave me, she was taken away by the White SeeDs. And yet, I've spent years pushing people away in case I get left again...)_

_(But, what if they get taken away? What if Esthar locks up Rinoa in the Memorial?)_

_(No one can predict the future.)_

* * *

**Interlude: The rest of the gang**

"Quisty, did you have any _idea_ the sodium content of a hot dog? Did you _know_? _**How can Garden serve this to us?**_ We probably all have super high blood pressure!" Zell was waving his arms emphatically as he spoke.

"It's a conspiracy, Zell! I'm with you!" A second voice added.

Quistis sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, a headache coming on suddenly. "Don't encourage him, Selphie..."

Zell gave Selphie a high five, " _Al-Right!_ Selph!" He turned back to the blonde. "Seriously though, Quisty, you know that you shouldn't drink all that coffee either, right? It's also, like, super bad for you."

Her hand paused in front of the mug she was reaching for. "Zell, as glad as I am that you are learning about healthy eating in your therapy, please, don't try to _control_ me or my diet."

Irvine smirked as Quistis used the word ' _control'_. "Hey, Quisty?"

"What, Irvine?"

The sharpshooter lifted up his hand to his ear mimicking a telephone. "There's a call for you from 'Kettle', he says, 'Hey Pot, you're black.'"

Quistis' eyebrow twitched, "I'm going to kill Kadowaki..."

* * *

Rinoa looked up from the book she was reading as the door slid open. She was curled up under a chocobo-printed blanket on Squall's couch. Her anger from earlier in the day was seemingly gone, but she wasn't completely relaxed.

"How was it?" She asked.

Squall shrugged. "Could've been worse."

The Sorceress placed a ribbon in her book to mark her page and closed it carefully. Rinoa was always careful with library books and often complained about the 'beasts' who 'dog-eared' the pages.

As she did so, Squall noticed a band-aid on her inner arm and frowned.

His companion caught the frown and sighed in return. "Odine took blood today."

Squall sat down next to her and after a moment of intense internal debate, placed an arm around her shoulder. "How was it?" He repeated her earlier question.

Smiling, Rinoa scooted closer to him, pulling the blanket over his legs to share her warmth. "Could've been worse. I don't like being an experiment, but... I'm learning how to control my powers too."

( _If Odine so much as looks at her the wrong way...)_

"Um Rinoa?"

"Yes?"

Squall cleared his throat and averted his eyes. "Thank you."

"Huh? For what?" Rinoa cocked her head at him.

"Um, being with me. Being patient. You know. With me. For being _here._ Thank you for, um, for staying."

Rinoa smiled and nuzzled her head into the nook of Squall's arm affectionately. "You're welcome... but you don't need to thank me. Being with you is the best decision I've ever made. Thank _you_ for being with me and… for saying that. It means a lot, Squall."

Squall turned to kiss the top of Rinoa's head. "Lucky..." He mumbled softly.

She smirked hearing his words. "Yes we are," Came her soft response.

"Rinoa?" The Commander squeezed her shoulder lightly. He was pretty sure this is the most he had offered information to her, unprompted, ever. "Don't tell anyone this, but, group therapy wasn't _all_ bad."

Rinoa chuckled and poked Squall in the ribs, eliciting a soft chuckle from him. "Your secret is safe with me. They always are, oh stoic one."

Squall leaned back on the couch and pulled Rinoa with him, closing his eyes. The words had come so easily to him and clearly they had made Rinoa happy. Had it always been this easy to make her happy? He had never realized how un-complicated it could be. He was thrilled just to be in her presence. Telling her that had made her nearly ecstatic.

( _Who would have thought it was that simple)_

All because Lulu said she should have thanked Wakka, or whatever his name was.

( _Therapy wasn't_ _ **all**_ _bad.)_

It wasn't bad at all.


	3. Week 2: Projection

**In Treatment**

**Week 2: Projection**

* * *

Squall sighed as he stared at the depressing cookie display once again.

( _Sprinkles? I really want sprinkles, but it wouldn't look good for Garden if I'm eating a rainbow cookie. It would portray weakness, probably.)_

He narrowed his eyes at the offensive spread.

( _I could do jam... no, no Zell would do jam and then get it all over his fingers and make a mess. No to jam.)_

Squall shuddered at the thought of Zell getting jam all over his office. Again. Quistis complained about the sticky mission reports for _weeks_ afterwards. It forced Squall to implement a permanent ban on all food within a twenty meter perimeter of the senior offices.

Sighing dejectedly, he picked up the plain sugar cookie once again and sat down in the folding chair next to Lulu. She was... smiling.

It was creepy.

Dr G sat next to him and the mild chatter that was still lingering in the room died down as she cleared her throat.

"Sugar cookie, huh?" Dr G nodded in Squall's direction, "You obviously are lonely."

Squall almost spit out his watered-down decaf.

( _ **Decaf**_ _-for the love of Hyne_ - _coffee_. _I knew she was judging my cookie selection.)_

Dr. G chuckled at his reaction. "No, Squall, cookie choice does not reflect your personality." She lifted up one of the fudge cookies and took a bite. "You see... I'm easily thirty pounds overweight, but I eat the most caloric cookie here. Now, I'm sure you are thinking, 'oh wow, that woman shouldn't be eating that'. But you see, I. Don't. Care. I like fudge cookies."

Squall blinked. "Okay."

_(What is she talking about?)_

The doctor smiled, finishing her cookie and brushing the crumbs off of her skirt. "Why don't you get the cookie you _really_ want?"

"I'm fine."

( _Stop talking about the damn cookie, everyone is looking at me.)_

"Sure." Dr. G cleared her throat again, "Who here is aware of the properties of psychoanalysis?"

_(Oh Hyne, is she going to hypnotize us?)_

A rather artistic looking younger girl in a strange hat raised her hand before speaking. "Freud thought that people's subconscious would speak for their inner desires and fears and used a technique to draw it out."

Dr. G nodded. "Yes, Relm." She didn't speak further, but merely continued to stare at the girl quietly, waiting for her to continue talking rather than prompting anything else.

Relm shifted in her seat. "Um... maybe? I think I read that somewhere."

_(Why isn't she responding?)_

The younger girl sighed. "Maybe I'm confusing it? Grandpa always says I mix up names a lot. Gets frustrated at me when I am supposed to be doing my studies."

A small smile spread over Dr. G's face. "Are you frustrated with your Grandfather, Relm? Did something happen?"

"Yes! And you're staring at me just like he does!" Relm blurted out.

Dr G smirked, though not unkindly. "That, folks, is psychoanalysis. If I present you with a blank screen and no response, you will project your fears to interpret my silence. Because I didn't respond, Relm assumed that I thought the worst or her, while also revealing what was in her mind... You project what you fear in yourself. Relm perceives judgement from her Grandfather, so because I did not give her any indication of my feelings, she assumed I was judging her... even went as far as to mention her Grandfather. Bingo, I know her fears and her subconscious."

_(That is... brilliant)_

"That being said, Relm. You are correct regarding Freud, and I think you are quite brilliant, and I truly hope I do not look like your Grandfather. I apologize for using you for this demonstration—you did brilliantly."

Relm laughed lightly, a small blush on her cheeks. "Thanks, Dr. G."

Dr G looked at Squall. "No one cares what cookie you choose. No one is judging you. You are afraid of what everyone is thinking and _assuming_ you know. I have news, dear, you can't read minds."

Squall shrugged, "No. But I'm a soldier, I'm trained to read people."

"Everyone, please name an adjective for Squall." Dr. G motioned to the rest of the room.

_(Prick. Jerk. Cold. Loner. Angry... Scared.)_

"Quiet." "Smart." "Thoughtful." "Cute."

Squall's eyes almost bulged out of their sockets.

"And if Squall were eating a sprinkled cookie, what would people say?"

_(Pansy. Undisciplined. Jerk who likes colorful confections.)_

"Quiet." "Smart" "Thoughtful" "Likes Sprinkles."

Dr. G smiled. "Hm, thank you everyone. You see, Squall, no one cares. You don't need to be afraid that people are judging you all the time. We are too busy afraid of what people think to ever enjoy ourselves."

* * *

**Interlude: Selphie**

Selphie shifted nervously in her seat, spinning one of the toys meant for pediatric patients in her hand. The small plastic balls banged loudly against one another, filling up the small office with a cacophony.

"Selphie, from everything you've been saying, it seems like your happiness is very...ah.. dependent," The therapist started, adjusting his glasses on his nose.

The spinning stopped and Selphie frowned. "Why is it, like, bad to have friends? I'm happy when they are happy! I like making people happy with the festival! I gave you an invite, right, Doc?"

"You're changing the subject."

Selphie's smile grew wide as she tossed the toy to the side, pulling her legs up onto the chair and crossing them in front of her. "I commissioned a _song_ this year, I'm so excited! It's a take on Rinny's mom's song, you know?"

"Selphie-"

"The look on her face is going to be _priceless_. I'm going to make Squall dance again too, I already have the greatest plan to force him into it, you see..."

" _Selphie!_ "

The brunette stopped, mouth closing, as she retracted back into her chair sheepishly, somewhat reminiscent of a dog being scolded. "Sorry... I um... am really excited about the festival."

"I can tell, and that's wonderful, Selphie, but you're avoiding the subject at hand." The doctor sighed, folding his hands on his lap. "Loving your friends is great and rewarding, but you can't base all of your emotions on other people's personal happiness... you have to take some from yourself."

Selphie frowned, shifting again in her seat and pulling her legs underneath her. "Um..."

"See? Selphie, you feel bad about yourself because you sense disappointment from me. Yet, I'm not disappointed at all. Selphie, you can't control _other_ people's joy."

He paused, making sure she was absorbing his words. "This week I want you to do something for you. _Only_ you. Find joy in something outside of other people's happiness."

The look on Selphie's face brightened once again. "I'm planning the festival! I look forward to that every year!"

The doctor shook his head. "No. Not planning an event. Just for you."

Selphie bit her lip, nodding silently. Thinking of something 'selfish' to do should be obvious, yet... she couldn't come up with anything.

Quistis would get her nails done.

Rinoa would spend the day in the spa reading a book.

Irvine would go to the shooting range.

Zell would go snow-boarding.

Squall would do something with leather.

What would Selphie do? She honestly didn't know.

* * *

It was starting to drizzle outside. Rain in Balamb was a nice rare reprieve from the normal dry climate of the island. Squall ran into the Garden from his group session, shaking his hair free of the small amount of water that he had been caught in. He gave a curt nod to some of the cadets saluting him as he headed straight towards the Quad.

Rinoa would be there, or so he assumed, she said she was going to help Selphie rehearse for the Garden Festival after all.

By the time he made it to the Quad, the rain had slowly moved from a drizzle to a steady pour, but not a heavy one. Squall peered out from the overhang in the main Garden center, hoping to avoid getting caught in the rain any longer.

There was Rinoa, standing in the rain, watching the stage from across the Quad as the band rehearsed their music for the Festival. She was completely soaked to the bone but she was... laughing.

"Rinoa!"

She didn't seem to hear him, absorbed in the music.

_(Dammit, I am not getting my favorite leather jacket wet.)_

Shrugging off his jacket and placing it on a nice dry, covered bench, Squall trotted through the rain towards the sorceress. "Rinoa!"

She finally heard him, and turned to flash him a brilliant smile.

( _Perfect.)_

Rinoa jogged towards him, meeting him half way. "Oh! Sorry to make you come out here! I was listening to the music I didn't even hear you!" She grabbed his arm, tugging him back towards the overhang.

"It's raining." Squall stated matter-of-fact.

( _Good one, Captain Obvious.)_

Her pretty laughter echoed in the acoustics of the overhang laughed as they made it to the overhang, the moon waltz still lolling softly in the background. "I know. It feels good doesn't it? It's been so hot!"

_(Why is it so easy for her? She doesn't care that she's standing in the rain, sopping wet?)_

Squall offered Rinoa a half-smile before he uncharacteristically grabbed her hand, pulling her into position to step in tune with the waltz that was being played in the background.

_(One two three, one two three...)_

"Squall, what are..." Rinoa looked up at him and fell into step, following his lead in the dance, "You know there are cadets right over there...right?"

Years ago, even weeks ago, Squall would have been hard pressed to dance at an actual ball, let alone at a rehearsal. Let alone outside, under an overhang in the middle of a summer storm, but...

"I don't care." Squall said softly, turning Rinoa into a spin.

Rinoa rewarded him the most brilliant smile he had ever seen.

_(Sprinkles. Next time I am definitely going with the sprinkles.)_


	4. Week 3:  Daddy Issues

**In Treatment**

**Week 3: Daddy Issues**

* * *

_(Hyne, this guy talks a lot.)_

The blonde that had tagged along with Lulu this week had been monopolizing the entire evening of group therapy.

 _(Lulu looks like she might cast a mute spell on him. She is really **really** scary._ _How is he **still** talking? He reminds me of Zell but twenty times worse.)_

The "blonde" was waving his hands emphatically as he finished. "Worst off is everyone is all 'Sir Jecht this, Sir Jecht that’, even my _girlfriend_. Like he is some amazing guy, when in reality he was this loser Dad that left my mom and me."

Lulu pinched the bridge of her nose. "Tidus, please do not make me regret bringing you..."

Dr. G adjusted the glasses on her face. "Well, this is an important topic. You are angry because people seem to like your father. And feel that they aren't seeing him for who he really is--- which is a person who hurt you _deeply_."

_(Join the club. I'm the only person in the world who thinks that not only is my dad a horrible dad but also a complete moron.)_

Tidus shrugged. "Yes. He was a drunk and a jerk. People think he's great, it just makes me so... so..."

_(Angry.)_

Dr. G glanced over at Squall seemingly reading his mind. "It's often hard for us to realize our parents are capable of growth just like we are. To us, they are supposed to be solid and constant. Sadly, that isn't always the case. Parents, are regrettably human. But, people _can_ change. That being said, it sounds like your father was not there for you."

_(Laguna didn't change. He just avoided responsibility. Was thrown into Presidency. Still just lets other people do the work. He's still the same.)_

Dr. G continued. "Relm, why don't you share your experience?"

The young artistic girl nodded. "Sure. Um... so most of you know my dad, Shadow, came back into my life when I was thirteen."

_(Shadow? What kind of name is that? What is with the people in this group?)_

"Naturally, I was hesitant to trust him," Relm continued

_(Well, his name **was** Shadow, I wouldn't trust him either.)_

"Anyways, I was really mad. I didn't want to get to know him. Dr G told me that the best thing to do was just tell him how I felt. So...I did. I yelled at him. Like, really yelled. And--he still came back. Once I let him know how hurt I was, I was able to think about letting him in. Especially when he didn't run away at my feelings. He hasn't let me down yet."

_(So what, we just forgive everyone? Oh, whoops, I became a Sorceress and ruined your life, children. Oh, that's okay, Matron, I don't care that you killed a bunch of my friends, you're forgiven... Please.)_

Relm smiled a bit. "Don't get me wrong. He completely failed as a dad for thirteen years, he was selfish and he will be the first one to admit how messed up he was, but... people can change."

_(Even if you've changed, Laguna, I can't forgive you for leaving Raine.)_

Dr. G nodded. "So, the best thing you did for yourself, Relm, was to allow yourself to be angry and hurt and express those feelings, correct?"

Lulu's annoying friend spoke up again. "My old man wouldn't even _care_ if I confronted him."

Dr. G nodded. "It's not about getting an answer. It's about allowing yourself to vocalize your pain. It's important to get it out."

_(Vocalize...your pain? That's what the training center is for.)_

* * *

**Interlude: The girls**

"Stop moving, Rin," Quistis mumbled, readjusting the other girl's hand on the towel.

"Sorry, Quisty," Rinoa sighed, glancing down at the polish Quistis was painting on her finger nails.

"What's with you anyway, Rinoa? This is wiggly, even for you." Quistis asked, dipping the brush into the red polish.

Rinoa frowned. "Well...you guys know that I've been having to see Dr. Odine, right?"

Quistis nodded and glanced towards Selphie for help, who was rifling through the bag of nail polish.

Selphie glanced up from the bag, three bottles of polish in her hand. "Did something happen, Rinny?"

Rinoa shook her head. "Not quite. But, well, it turns out Dr. Odine is also an armchair therapist, and he has been doing a lot of, um, really intense therapy with me."

Quistis grip on Rinoa's hand involuntarily tightened. Rinoa winced slightly and Quistis let up.

"Sorry..." Quistis murmured apologetically.

"It's fine," Rinoa smiled at the blond. "Anyway, um, well, I'm not quite sure how to ask this, so I'll just...uh."

Selphie placed a reassuring hand on her friend's shoulder. "Rin. We are your best friends. It's fine, whatever it is, okay?"

"Ok well." The young sorceress chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully. No matter how she phrased it, the following question was not going to come out well. The best course of action was probably to just blurt it out, so she did.

"Do you think Squall is like Caraway?"

Quistis let out a choking sound and was very glad that she did not have the brush on Rinoa's finger at the moment or she probably would have painted a large red stripe along her entire hand. "Ah, not to sound rude but…where is this coming from?"

Rinoa leaned back in her seat, examining her nails in the air. "This is pretty, Quistis," she murmured, handing her other hand to the blonde. "I guess, well, Odine said something about how I looked for someone like Caraway because of my bad relationship with him. Like how we all end up looking for our parents, or something."

Quistis hmmed softly. "Well, they are both in the military."

"And anal retentive," Selphie piped in.

Rinoa sighed. "So even after all this time trying to get away from Caraway, now, I'm dating him? That's really gross."

Quistis shook her head. "No, Rin, it's like you are trying to repair the relationship in a way. Squall might remind you of the things you love about Caraway. I think that's natural. Plus, it's like you get to fix the mistakes of the past through Squall. I know you don't get along with your father, but he isn't an awful person, you've said so yourself. I mean, you could have picked someone with traits similar to my adoptive father, then you'd be in real trouble."

Rinoa blinked rapidly, Quistis was not a person who talked about her life in her adopted home before Garden. All Rinoa knew was that Quistis had come to Garden when she was around the age of twelve. Rinoa wanted the girl to keep opening up, but was afraid that if she said the wrong thing, Quistis wouldn't continue. In a lot of ways, Quistis and Squall were similar that way, they were very hard people to get to know.

Rinoa decided that the best course of action was to mirror how she typically dealt with Squall in these situations, so Rinoa chose to stay silent.

The silence must have been the most therapeutic response, because Quistis continued. "As you know, I also have been continuing with some therapy. One of the requirements for me to be re-instated as an Instructor."

Quistis lowered her eyes. "My therapist and I have been speaking about something similar: about why I'm controlling. She mentioned that I might try to control things to make up for the chaos of my home. That a lot of adult behavior is in response to trauma or chaos. Humans are quite reactionary creatures."

Selphie sat next to Quistis, giving her a reassuring squeeze. "Were the Trepes that bad?"

Quistis shook her head. "No. Dad was just...chaotic, in and out, he drank, he was always in trouble at work for something. Basically, he wanted to get away with as much as possible without getting caught. I just wished Mom would leave, but she was so convinced she could fix him. Finally, _I_ just left, or rather, went to Garden."

Selphie raised an eyebrow. "So, Mr. Trepe was a man who was defiant of authority? Who do we know like that?"

Quistis narrowed her eyes over at Selphie as she started to paint Rinoa's left hand. "Selphie, if you say Seifer I will blitz you into next week. Seifer is nothing like Mr. Trepe. Yes, they both are charming and slightly anti-establishment..."

Rinoa was surprisingly supportive. "Quistis, Seifer may have made bad decisions and he's rough around the edges, but he's not a bad guy."

The sorceress turned towards Selphie. "What about you, Selph? What was your adoptive family like?"

Selphie turned her head towards the nail polish selection. "What do you think? ‘Cherry Bomb Red’?"

Rinoa shrugged. "Sure. So, Selph, what about the Tilmitts?"

"What about ‘Jungle Tree Green’?"

"Selph, stop avoiding the question."

"They were fine." Selphie shrugged, " _Boooooooyaka!!!_ Perfect ‘Bubble Gum Pink’!"

Quistis rolled her eyes at Selphie's poor attempt at deflection. "Rinoa, to answer your question. From what I understand, Selphie's parents got divorced when Selphie was about ten, which was part of the reason she ended up at Garden."

The hyper brunette huffed loudly and crossed her arms, purposefully looking away from Quistis as she spoke. "Thank you, Instructor Nosey."

Quistis closed her eyes, "Selph...come on, we fought a war together, if you don't trust your sisters-in-arms, who can you trust?"

Rinoa nodded. "She has a point."

Selphie crossed her leg away from Quistis and kept her arms crossed, but shifted her eyes towards Quistis while still trying to dramatically portray her irritation nonverbally. "Fine. Ed cheated. _All_ the time. He left for days, hit mom, would bring women to the house and she would just put up with it. Would say stupid stuff like 'well, you don't see him when we're alone, I know he loves me.'. I mean, Hyne, how needy was she? Honestly, I couldn't have been happier when they broke up. So there, okay?"

Quistis and Rinoa remained silent.

Selphie chewed on her bottom lip, slowly uncrossing her legs and facing the other two women without meeting their gazes. "I guess. Mom was unbearable. Cried all the time, needy, clingy. She was so helpless. When Dad was around she would go from crying to angry to loving. She would open all his mail, like called his coworkers to ask about him. I don't know, I mean, I'm sure he was aching to get out of the relationship."

Rinoa opened her mouth to speak, but was silenced by a look from Quistis.

Selphie finally lifted her eyes towards her companions. "Still. He made her worse too. I mean...she just wanted to make him happy. That’s all. No matter how neurotic she was. And...no one deserves to be treated like garbage."

"No, Selphie, of course not. You didn't deserve to have to see it either." Quistis said softly.

Selphie was very quiet, unlike the bubbly girl they all knew. "My shrink thinks that’s why I try to please everyone and why...why I chose someone who cheats. I don't think I deserve any better, but, I'm just so desperate to make everyone happy. Maybe—because, maybe if Dad was happy he wouldn't have been that way."

"You make me happy, Selphie. Just by existing," Rinoa offered the brunette a small smile.

"Me too. You don't need to do anything else," Quistis smiled as well.

Selphie shook her head. "Ah..thanks guys. But enough of this mooshy stuff. I want to know something juicy..."

Rinoa and Quistis simultaneously sweatdropped

"So...ladies-- have either of you ever, you know, thought about Squall and Seifer..."

Her companion’s worst nightmare had come true, Selphie could indeed shock them on a whole new level.

"Selphie!" Quistis started, "Of course not!!!"

Selphie blinked. "What? What's disgusting about thinking about them having a gunblade rematch."

Quistis quickly backpaddled. "Oh, ah...um, right I thought you…I mean I wouldn't want them to get, ah, hurt."

Selphie still looked confused. "I don't get it."

Rinoa smirked. "She thought you were implying they, ah, you know. _You know_."

Selphie giggled. " _Ew_. Quistis, get your mind out of the gutter! _Why_ would I think that?? I mean, yeah, I was gonna say them having a rematch wearing nothing but Garden-issue Speedos, but...yours is so much worse!"

Quistis facepalmed.

* * *

Squall had killed his twentieth Grat in the Training Center. His brow was damp with perspiration and he felt that a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Despite that feeling, however, there was still a gnawing pit at the bottom of his stomach.

_(Dammit, Dr. G. Why did you have to bring up fathers? The thought of... that **man**.)_

Squall shook his head and went in search of another Grat.

_(I wonder if Caraway was that bad? Rinoa only ever said he was really military, controlling, into rules, never said how he felt...)_

_(Wait a second...)_

_(Quiet, into rules, emotionally void.)_

_(Oh my Hyne...am I fulfilling some really twisted Oedipus Complex? No wait, he was in love with his mother, right? Does it work with fathers too? Oh sweet love of a behemoth, where is Quistis, she reads that stuff.)_

Squall shook his head further, attempting to stop his train of thoughts from becoming even more uncomfortable. The Grat he had set his sights on suddenly disappeared in front of him, blasted away by a Firaga spell.

"There you are..."

_(Rinoa...)_

Rinoa jumped down from a rock behind him, landing softly by his side, "I was looking all over for you."

He saw the girl's freshly painted nails. 

( _She must have been with Quistis and Selphie._ )

"Well, here I am," Squall muttered.

Rinoa gave him a smile, trying to warm him up. "So here you are."

_(Why isn't she talking? She always does the talking.)_

Squall sighed. "Did you need something?"

Rinoa shook her head. "No."

Squall began to tap his foot impatiently. Rinoa obviously wanted something and had something on her mind, or else she wouldn't have taken the time to track him down.

"I'm glad you aren't like Caraway." Rinoa finally said.

"Huh?"

"If you were a Dad, I mean, I know you would be there. You already are there for me no matter what."

_(She's not trying to tell me...that's not even possible! We haven't…)_

"Um... okay?"

"Sorry, this isn't coming out right," Rinoa frowned.

_(Obviously.)_

Rinoa toed the ground nervously before letting out a sound that sounded half like a laugh and half like a gasp. "Wow…um, what I'm trying to say is. I love you. For you. Just you, okay?"

Squall blinked rapidly. 

( _She's never said that. Rinoa...)_

Squall opened his mouth to speak but his mouth was dry and his tongue felt heavy. 

( _Dr. G said to vocalize...)_

Squall cleared his throat but nothing came. Instead he wrapped an arm around Rinoa and pulled her towards his chest, burying his face in her hair. 

( _You know, Rin---I just can't say it yet. I will, someday.)_

Rinoa just smiled into his chest. She hadn't expected him to respond. She knew the truth anyway. The way his arms were clinging to her for dear life spoke it louder than any words could anyway.

* * *

Later that week, Squall paced in front of his desk in his office restlessly. The group session had been playing in his mind.

_(Laguna...)_

Squall grumbled and finally picked up the receiver.

"President Loire. It's Squall...yes...well...no that's not why I call- no I am not coming to visit... _No_...Listen, Laguna, I think what you did to Raine was horrible...no, I don't want to hear it. I don't think you were a good husband or a good Dad...No, that's it."

Squall hung up the phone. He had just spoken more words to Laguna than he ever had. _Ever._ Even though they had been harsh, it felt oddly liberating. For the first time since Laguna had told him about his parentage, he actually felt ready to listen to Laguna's side of the story.

 _(Not quite yet_. _Almost._ )

For now though, he went in search of Rinoa. Rinoa, who had the ability to make everything feel and seem simple, lucid and invigorating at the same time. Maybe someday, he would be able to find the words to explain just how much she meant to him. For now, he planned on just showing her instead.


	5. Daddy Issues. Part 2

**In Treatment**

**Week 4: Daddy Issues. Part 2**

* * *

"So, I called Caraway."

The comment broke Squall out of the deep concentration he was giving to the TPS reports on his desk. " _What_?" This was about the last thing he ever expected for her to say, and his voice betrayed it.

"I called Caraway," Rinoa stated again.

_(This...is not going to end well.)_

He should have suspected something was up when Rinoa unexpectedly came to his office at three on a Tuesday. That was abnormal. She had learned to respect his need for time and and space when he was working. Sometimes she would bring him a much-needed neglected lunch (which he would not admit to enjoying out loud), but for the most part, she never graced his office unless it was an emergency.

Her presence was the first hint that something was seriously off and Squall was filled with a sense of dread. The second clue that something terrible was coming was her mentioning Caraway in the first breath she took after bursting in the door.

 _(Okay. Don’t say the wrong thing_.)

_(This is exactly why I've avoided having a girlfriend. When I open my mouth, I have a way of saying the perfect thing to piss someone off.)_

_(What did Dr. G say?)_

Squall could picture the therapist in his head, trying to imagine what it was that made it so easy and comfortable to talk to her.

_( **Permissive silence**? That’s right. That’s what she called it.)_

_(Yes...that can be my excuse. Silence is therapeutic...yeah...)_

"I called Caraway," Rinoa said for the third time, her face an uncharacteristic steely reserve. She was also clearly trying to illicit something from Squall to ensure he was listening.

_(Okay...I guess she needs encouragement?)_

"Oh yeah?" Squall finally said, still sitting at his desk, trying not to fidget uncomfortably.

_(That was pathetic.)_

Apparently it worked, because Rinoa continued. "I told him that I didn't hate him."

Rinoa telling Caraway she didn't hate him was about as close to saying 'I love you, Dad,' as it was going to get. A huge win on Caraway's part.

Squall blinked at the papers in front of him, willing the TPS reports to be more interesting. Wanting anything to distract him from this uncomfortable conversation. "That's good." He finally surmised.

_(Is it good? Or am I supposed to tell her that her dad is a jerk?)_

_(Is this a trick?)_

"Yeah. I figured...well, I don't hate him and I'm not mad anymore, so..." Rinoa mumbled something else incoherently. She opened up a stray book on Squall's desk in an extremely failed attempt at looking casual. It was about as comfortable for her as it was for Squall.

Squall raised an eyebrow at her book choice.

_(‘The Military History of Ancient Centra’?)_

_(Nice try, Rinoa, you're about as interested in that book as I am in your book on ‘The Fashion of Shoes.’)_

_(Okay, let's try this again.)_

"Uh, that's good," Squall repeated. "I mean, it was probably hard, so...Good." Short and sweet, but to the point.

Rinoa offered him a small but honest smile. "Thanks, Squall... it was, but I feel better."

_(Phew.)_

Rinoa glanced at the book she had opened, made a disgusted face, and placed it back on the desk. Skipping around the desk, she gave Squall a quick kiss on the cheek. "Seriously, thanks for listening. I'll let you work, kay? I know you don't like being bothered at this time--"

Squall shook his head, willing the blush on his cheeks to disappear. "You're never a bother."

_(Anything is better than TPS reports.)_

"I'll see you for dinner?" Rinoa asked hopefully.

Squall nodded at her and she gave him a bright smile before exiting the office.

_(If she can say that to Caraway...)_

* * *

Lulu's annoying friend was back. Just what Squall wanted. Not only had he given semi-useful advice to Cloud regarding giving orders, but he was also finally able to eat his beloved sprinkled cookies in front of other people. Now there was this loud-mouthed, needy guy ruining the entire dynamic of the group. Dr. G would tell him to assume the best in people and try to be empathetic. But it was nearly impossible with this guy.

_(How can I be empathetic to a guy who is complaining about his dad despite having an apparently beautiful smart girlfriend, successful blitzball career, and carries an awesome sword? I learned a long time ago that I have no right to complain.)_

Dr. G cleared her throat. "I want to continue with our conversation from last week." She eyed Squall and Tidus carefully. "In case you weren't here, we were talking about fathers."

_(Great.)_

"Last week I told you how important it is to express your pain and feelings towards people you are angry with. We were talking about this in the context of parents, as much of the anger we hold onto into adulthood stems from strained relationships with them. Being able to express your anger is important not only for _you_ , but also if you want to ever _repair_ the relationship. This, however, is only step one." Dr. G continued, pausing to nibble on a fudge cookie.

_(Step **one**?) _

_(You didn't tell me there was a second step...Step one was bad enough! I would rather listen to Quistis go over architecture plans for E-Garden while Zell dribbles hot dog crumbs on them than call Laguna again.)_

Dr. G brushed some crumbs off her lap. "Step two is... _Forgiveness_..."

Squall's eyebrow twitched.

_(That's bullshit...)_

"Before you all yell at me, let me reassure you that forgiveness is _not_ to assuage the guilt of the offending party. Forgiveness is allowing yourself to be free from an anger that will eat you up. You forgive for yourself, _not_ for your parents,”

Tidus scoffed. "My old man isn't even sorry! He thinks I deserved to be left!"

_(Well, if you were this whiny at home, I don't blame him.)_

Dr. G shook her head. "The person doesn't have to be remorseful to be forgiven. Like I said, it is allowing yourself to be free of the _burden_ of anger. Anger is exhausting, it ages you, it stresses you, it prevents you from getting close to other people. Your anger isn't hurting you father, Tidus, it's only hurting you."

_(Laguna better care that I'm angry.)_

Tidus frowned. "Yeah, I guess he never really cared that I hated him so much. I'm-I'm not sure. Trying to be better at blitzball, being strong, never crying—all of that so that he would notice me. So he’d think I'm good enough, wanna be around—and then…I wouldn't hate him anymore."

Dr. G nodded. "Your anger drove your decisions in adulthood. Being angry at him allowed _him_ to control your decisions...you never were really free."

_(I wish Laguna never had never told me the truth, then I wouldn't feel this. If I didn't know, I could just pretend they were both dead.)_

_(I hate this.)_

Tidus pounded his fist on the arm of his chair. "Dammit! Even in another world that prick had control?! That's—” He jumped up suddenly and paced the room before taking a deep breath and sitting down.

Lulu eyed him warily, then slowly placed a hand on his arm, giving a single pat before retracting it. It seemed to calm Tidus down slightly.

Squall's eyes almost bulged at the rare show of "affection" from Lulu. 

( _That's probably as comforting as Lulu can get! I wonder what her fiancé is like... do they just sit around wearing black leather, with arms crossed, not touching, speaking in monotone voices?)_

_(Wait...that sounds familiar.)_

Dr. G waited for Tidus to be completely calm before she continued. "Thank you for sharing, Tidus, I know that was difficult."

She paused pointedly, "Step two is harder than step one. Forgiveness and letting go. You have to let go to be completely free of your anger. Free of the control you are allowing your parents to have. You are adults, allowing your parents to push your decisions, even if it is subconscious, means you haven't graduated into _being_ an adult. Into truly _becoming_ an adult. You can't be successful at life or relationships operating with a child's brain."

_(Laguna, why did you have to tell me? You made it worse...didn't you? Would I rather not know?)_

Dr. G paused, glancing at each of the group members. "You have to let go. If you don't it will slowly kill you."

The green haired girl spoke up. "Tellah. His anger towards Golbez ended up killing him." She seemed to say it to herself more than anyone else.

Dr G smiled at her. "Yes, Rydia. Your friend, Tellah. Killed by his anger."

She turned towards Squall, sensing his disquiet. "Do you have anything to share, Squall?"

_(Can she read my mind or something?)_

Squall shifted in his seat. "No."

_(Yes.)_

Dr G arched an eyebrow. "Are you sure?"

Squall frowned. "Did step one, don't think I can do step two."

_(Don't ask me anything else.)_

Dr G smiled in understanding. "Admission of helplessness is a step towards recovery."

_(Who said anything about helpless! I'll show her helpless!)_

But, something in her tone made that quote stick in the back of Squall’s head. There was some wisdom in there, he knew, he just was not ready to face what it meant.

"I know that was hard for you to share, Squall, and we all appreciate the effort," Dr. G continued.

Squall noticed many of the other group members offering him small smiles. Tidus even gave him a 'thumbs up'. 

( _Hyne, he is annoying_.)

"If you need to talk about it more, of course you may. You know that you have a source of encouragement here. Everyone here supports you and wants you to succeed. I hope that many of our members are examples as to the efficacy of what I am gently trying to nudge you towards." Dr G smiled warmly at him.

_("Gentle" nudge? I would hate to see your definition of rough. You make Quistis look like she has a feather's touch.)_

* * *

**Interlude: Irvine and Quistis**

"So then, get this, Quisty…Selphie just throws her paper mache on the floor. Smash, right on the floor! Then, she tells me she is _'sort of annoyed'_ and looks like she's about to cry. I start to try and say something and she just says ' _please don't be upset and don't leave me'_ and leaves the room." Irvine made air quotes when describing his girlfriends words.

The cowboy had his boots up on Quistis' desk and was smoking a hand rolled cigarette in the office Quistis and Squall shared. Quistis was listening patiently, trying not to tell him to move his feet, and kept readjusting her stapler's position on her meticulous desk.

"I mean, she was yelling at me for just _talking_ to this girl. I wasn't even doing anything! She goes from all angry to all needy real sudden. Then--and get this..." Irvine continued.

Quistis eyed his boots carefully and bit her lip, trying not to yell at him, trying _desperately_ to not be controlling. "Irvine, I _really_ don't feel comfortable talking about Selphie when she isn't here--"

Irvine caught the direction of Qustis’ gaze and pulled his shoes off her desk, leaving a mud stain in their wake. Quistis let out a sigh of relief.

"I get it, I do. You _know_ I love Self, I just—it doesn't come _natural_ to a stud like me."

Quistis rolled her eyes. "Stop _hurting_ her," she said in the _least_ judgmental or bossy tone she could manage. "Reassure her you aren't going to leave if she gets upset with you."

Irvine blinked. "She _knows_ I love her and won't leave her--"

The blonde raised an eyebrow. " _Does_ she?"

"You know she called me a narcissist?" He seemed oddly pleased with himself. "Maybe she's not used to a guy with so much confidence."

Quistis pinched the bridge of her nose. "Irvine, that's not a compliment—" She mumbled. Marching over towards him, she plucked the cigarette out of his hand, extinguished it, and hastily sprayed air freshener in his direction. There was only so much control a woman could give up.

Squall chose that moment to storm into the office, and the look on his face quickly scattered all other occupants.

* * *

Squall sat down at his desk and stared at his phone for what seemed like an eternity. He knew that he should probably call Laguna after last week. The man had sent him about one hundred emails in the span of the past seven days.

( _Ok, that's unfair, it was only like…forty_.)

When push came to shove, Squall didn't really _hate_ Laguna. He was angry, but he also knew deep down that Laguna’s actions were a mistake and not malicious. Torn between being glad knowing he wasn't an orphan, and also feeling annoyed the discovery seemed to throw him back into adolescence. Puberty-boy the first time around was bad enough.

_(I can't be angry at Laguna for ruining the past...isn't that what happened with Ultimecia? Wasn’t that what turned her so mad?)_

_(Alright. Let’s go, Squall. Second step. If Rinoa can tell Caraway…)_

Squall picked up the phone and dialed Esthar, silently praying that Laguna was somewhere else.

_(Let it be Kiros, let it be Kiros...)_

_“Hello? Squall?”_ A voice picked up.

_(How did he know?)_

"Yes." Squall answered.

_“Caller ID said Balamb Garden, I was hoping...”_

"It's me." Squall confirmed again. 

( _That was taciturn, even for me.)_

_“I'm so glad you called! Since you called the other week, I've been really...look, I know you don't want to hear my side of the story. I know I failed you. Honestly—"_

Squall interrupted what was certainly going to be a long diatribe. "I'm not mad anymore.” 

As he said it, he knew it was true.

_(The anger is pointless. But, It doesn't mean I have to suddenly let the guy in my life.)_

Laguna sounded surprised. _“Oh. I... I'm so sorry, Squall. I really am. I didn't know you were alive! They told me Raine died...with you.”_

"You told me last week. I understand."

Laguna let out a gasping sound on the other line, and sounded like he may start crying. _“Squall...thank you._ _Thank you.”_

"..." Squall didn't know how to respond to that. He had done what Dr. G had encouraged him to do, but not he was at a loss. 

( _Do I just hang up? Is he still talking?)_

Laguna had nervously began to drone on about the upcoming building of E-Garden. _“…Kiros thought that it was a silly idea to use that uniform for the...”_ He had been babbling for over a minute and Squall had been lost in his mind, ignoring him. The guy talked...a lot. 

( _I should get him together with Tidus...)_

_(I didn't call you to 'chat', Laguna. I don't even 'chat' with people I like. I'm not ready for that, but--)_

Squall took a deep breath before cutting Laguna off. 

"What was Raine like?"


	6. How To Be Loved

**In Treatment**

**Week 5: How to be Loved**

* * *

Rinoa was practically collapsing with giddiness as she swiped the keycard into Squall's room. After a very long time, he had finally entrusted her with a copy. Specifically, giving it to her so that she could drop off his dress uniform in his room after she had been kind enough to pick it up at the dry cleaners that day.

Squall secretly thought she got off on doing something that domestic for him. Especially since her other domestic talents, cooking especially, were non-existent. He was one hundred percent correct in his assessment. Rinoa was on cloud nine as she pranced into his room.

Not only had he entrusted her with the key card and the chore of picking up his uniform--he actually trusted her to behave in his room unsupervised. 

That was the bigger win. 

This was huge deal for someone as private as Squall--and Rinoa was acutely aware of that. The Sorceress was happy to relieve Squall of a chore—she was going to the cleaners anyway. Sometimes she felt useless at Garden, and any chance she was afforded to feel relevant was pounced upon.

Rinoa hung the dress uniform in the closet and took a moment to bury her face in Squall’s familiar leather jacket hanging there, inhaling deeply. She pulled back, slightly embarrassed, and glanced over her shoulder nervously to make sure no one saw her, despite the fact that she was in Squall's dorm alone and the door was locked. 

Smiling to herself, she obediently headed to the door, when a yellow legal pad sitting on Squall's desk caught her eye. She wasn't trying to snoop, she really wasn’t, it was just _sitting_ there. In plain view. 

There was only one sentence written in Squall's distinct tiny, all capital's writing.

Unable to fight temptation, Rinoa glanced over and read the sentence. She blinked rapidly and re-read it to make sure it wasn't a mistake. Shaking her head, she positively beamed as she walked out the door, humming to herself as she skipped down the hallway.

* * *

Squall poured himself a cup of coffee in the familiar styrofoam cup. Thankfully, "a mysterious philanthrope" had donated a new coffee maker to the rec center that made single cups. In light of this mysterious gift, Squall had brought a supply of non-decaf for everyone’s use, saving humanity from the watered-down decaf that was usually served. He was practically lauded a hero. Cloud had thoughtfully brought tea as well, somehow knowing Dr. G preferred it. Squall felt mild irritation at Cloud one-upping him, but let it go.

"You certainly seem familiar with that." Dr. G smiled at him as she observed him making his coffee, reaching down to grab her usual fudge cookie.

Squall said nothing but cast her a small smile. 

( _Well, yeah, that's why I chose this one to give to the group.)_

The Commander took his usual seat next to Lulu, glancing around the group. Cloud seemed particularly pensive today, Lulu was her usual self: unreadable, Relm was doodling...something.

_(Is she drawing me?)_

He scowled in her direction and Relm blushed, quickly flipping her pencil over and erasing something.

Dr. G settled down a few seats away from Squall and cleared her throat, indicating people to settle down. "Well, does anyone want to share today?"

_(I talked to Laguna.)_

"Squall?" Dr. G asked, picking up on his frown.

_(No, I don't want to talk.)_

Squall shook his head. "Not ready yet."

"I understand," Dr. G smiled warmly. "Let's shift the subject away from our parents. I understand it must be exhausting. We are in need of a break from it. Why don’t we move onto something else for today..."

_(Thank Hyne. Anything is better than making me think about Laguna.)_

"Let's talk about our current romantic relationships."

_(...I take that back.)_

_(Please don't let Tidus talk, pleasepleasepleaseplease)_

_(If I have to hear about his girlfriend or how his girlfriend thinks his dad was a "sweet dude" I will cut out his tongue, I swear to Hyne...)_

"Cloud, why don't you tell us how it's going for you?" Dr. G said, sipping the new herbal tea Cloud gave her. "Delicious..." She mumbled under her breath causing Cloud to smile slightly.

Squall let out a an audible sigh of relief when Dr. G ask Cloud to talk...Cloud didn't ramble or rant or act annoying. 

( _Dr. G, I swear I love you.)_

Dr. G smirked over at Squall, as if she could hear his thoughts before turning towards Cloud. "How's Tifa?"

_(Tifa? He has a girlfriend? I thought he was...)_

Cloud was the _last_ person he thought of when it came to romance. Well, him and Lulu. Though he had seen Wakka with his own eyes, otherwise he never would have believed it.

The spiky blonde scratched the back of his head uncomfortably. "She’s…good."

Lulu cleared her throat and shot Cloud a glare. "Still stringing her along?"

Cloud glanced at Lulu arcanely. "I don't string her along, I just..."

The woman in black scoffed and opened her mouth to retort but was interrupted by Dr. G. "Cloud, what is currently happening with Tifa?"

Cloud sighed. "Nothing, I'm still working at _Seventh Heaven_...delivering, the kids and all..." He droned off.

 _(He has **kids**?)_

( _There is no way...)_

_(Picturing Cloud as a father is like picturing Seifer as a father. Not that Cloud is a bad guy, but...a dad? The guy is as self-deprecating as Irvine is self-admiring.)_

Dr. G nodded, seemingly understanding something that Squall didn’t. "Well, you have stayed in the same place for a while now, so that's something..."

_(Ouch.)_

"...Have you told her your feelings yet? Any thoughts of leaving recently?" Dr. G continued.

Cloud grunted. "No. Not again. Never again."

_(So, Cloud’s girlfriend took him back after he left?)_

_(Would Raine have welcomed back Laguna?)_

"At some point, Cloud, you have to let go of the dead. Or else you can never move on with the living. Trust me.” Lulu's cool voice pierced through the quiet room.

Cloud's eyebrow twitched. "It's not that, Lulu. I’m no longer haunted by the dead. I just know that I won't be able to..." He shook his head. "You wouldn't get it, I'm not able to protect her, I fail every time I try. It’s better that I’m not there. I don’t deserve to be there. I _shouldn’t_ be there."

_(Have you seen your sword, Cloud? We've sparred together, I've seen you fight, you are **plenty** confident on the field. You can protect anyone.)_

Dr. G took off her glasses carefully. "Cloud. Lulu is on to something. Have you ever thought that maybe you push Tifa away and don't allow yourself to be loved by her because of what happened before? You blame yourself for the loss of two of your friends...as a punishment to yourself you don't let yourself get close to anyone."

Cloud closed his eyes. "I don't trust myself."

 _(Dr. G didn't say that he couldn't love someone... she said that he wouldn't allow someone to love_ **him** _. Do I push away those who are trying to love me?)_

Dr. G nodded. "Of course you don't. That's why we are here, Cloud. You are doing a good job."

The spiky haired blonde sighed deeply. "I spent so much time hurting Tifa because I felt like I didn't deserve her. I distanced myself thinking that I was doing the right thing. In the end I was just hurting her by vacillating. I even failed at keeping distance! I couldn't stay away from her. All she does is keep accepting me and loving me and all I do is fail."

_(He must really love her. He thinks staying away is doing her a favor.)_

_(You don't want the person you care for to be enclosed in your own darkness.)_

Dr. G smiled. "Cloud, thank you for sharing that. Tell me, why is it that you don't think you deserve her?"

Cloud's entire body stiffened. "SOLDIER..." He mumbled. "I'm... nothing, _no one_. Not Zack--" He cut himself off, shaking his head. "I don't deserve her, but she loves me anyway. I'll make it up to her...somehow."

_(A solider. Afraid to bloody a beautiful woman with his hands. I know exactly how you feel, Cloud.)_

The doctor nodded, gifting Cloud with a sad smile. "Cloud, this is why we are a trauma support group. You are _stuck_ , my dear. The trauma of SOLDIER, the trauma of your friends' deaths--you've been stuck for years. Your view of yourself is trapped in the past and is not accurate. You are operating with the same machinery you used ten years ago--you haven't evolved—your _brain_ hasn't evolved, at least not in terms of relationships."

_(Bad machinery? The machine of my body grows but the machine of my brain is still stuck in the past? ...Do I still think the same way I did when Sis' left? Maybe in some ways, but I'm changing, I think...thanks to Rinoa.)_

"Cloud, tell me, do you think your brain was mature enough to maintain relationships ten years ago?" Dr. G asked.

_(Ouch. Dr. G certainly isn't pulling any punches tonight.)_

Cloud smirked. "No, I was an idiot. Still am..."

_(You're not nearly as idiotic as the other blonde in the room, Cloud.)_

Squall involuntarily shuddered, thinking of Tidus.

"Love yourself... so that you can accept love from others." Dr. G said softly.

 _(Love yourself? I don't want to be Irvine, that guy loves himself plenty, in multiple ways.)_

An icy chill crept down Squall’s back at that thought.

Dr. G smiled. "Cloud, I'm hard on you, but that's because you've come _so_ far. Just remember this--We accept the love we think we deserve."

_(What do I deserve? I don't even deserve a chocobo with incontinence issues, let alone a human being.)_

Squall looked over at Cloud who was still staring down at his hands with his strange glowing eyes. The ex-SOLDIER looked up and over at him and their eyes met. Giving him a curt nod, Squall grinned at the blonde. Cloud smirked in return, nodding back.

_(Soldiers always understand each other.)_

"Good job today, everyone, our time is up." Dr. G cleared her throat and stood, walking to Cloud and giving him a soft pat on the back.

_(We accept the love we think we deserve...)_

* * *

“Raine was...she was everything.” The voice on the other end of the phone line was saying.

_(Yeah, real descriptive, Laguna...)_

“She wasn't my first love, though...my first love, Julia, she was beautiful. I can't say much beyond that, I loved Julia because she was beautiful and captivating. When she sang and that drew me in. But Raine...I guess you could say I didn't really understand 'love' until Raine...”

_(Julia? Sort of weird he was drawn to Rinoa's mom...maybe I really **am** his son.)_

“Raine made me _want_ to be a better person. I wanted to deserve the love she was happy and willing to give me. She loved a complete fool like me. It blew my mind. I would always strive to deserve her, not her beauty, or the fact that she was engaging, generous--which she was--but _her_ , the person. I was a better man because of Raine.”

_(Better man? He made decisions because of love? Isn't that weak? He's a soldier and a politician, you can't succeed at those jobs if you work based on emotion.)_

“Raine saved my life, not just physically, but she saved _me_ , my soul. I am who I am because she loved me and I wanted to be worthy of it.”

_(Laguna had to be deserving of Raine in his own mind.)_

_(Do I deserve Rinoa?)_

_(Someone like me--blood, war--I don't deserve someone like...)_

_(Is that why I can never really tell her how I feel?)_

“Squall?” He must have not said anything in a long while and hadn’t noticed that Laguna had stopped talking.

"Laguna...thank you." Squall said curtly into the phone.

“Any time, Squall. Just ask.”

"Don't hold your breath." Squall muttered. 

( _Rinoa would scold you for being so mean.)_

The Commander didn't want the President getting too comfortable. He still wasn't ready.

* * *

**Interlude: The girls and Squall**

Squall sighed. 

( _Why...Why me?)_

"I know what you're thinking, Squall..." Rinoa was poking her fingers together nervously. "I tried. Quistis tried. Heck, even Zell tried!"

"Rinoa--" Squall began.

_(This is not in my job description. As commander, boyfriend, or friend.)_

Rinoa interrupted him. "Selphie really looks up to you, please, she won't come out of the bathroom and she won't listen."

Squall sighed deeply. "Rinoa, I..."

_(I am the **last** person you want to try to have talk you down from the ledge.) _

_(Hell, I'd probably just end up giving her a push.)_

_(I can see it now, 'Squall, Irvine and I broke up." Me, 'Well yeah, you can be a bit clingy.')_

"Squall, for _me_? Please?" Puppy dog eyes and all.

_(Dammit.)_

"Fine."

Rinoa led him to Selphie's room, where Selphie had locked herself in her bathroom crying. Quistis was sitting on Selphie's yellow duvet cover, talking to the bathroom door, and looked surprised when Rinoa re-entered with Squall in tow.

Squall glanced between the women. "What happens here never leaves this room. Period."

They nodded dutifully, though Quistis was trying to cover a grin behind her hand.

_(If Selphie ends up going on a rampage and making a homemade bomb and blowing up the stage in the atrium--let the record stand that I was against this.)_

Squall tapped on the bathroom door. "Selphie?"

A loud sniffle. " _Squall_?" The voice squeaked from behind the door, sound surprised but raspy. She obviously had been crying.

"Yes." Squall replied. 

( _Ok, now what?)_

The sniffling continued on the other side of the door. "Squall?"

"Yes." Squall glanced back at Rinoa and Quistis for support. They just gave shoving motions towards him like he was supposed to know what to do. 

( _Thanks for nothing. You're girls, aren't you supposed to know what to say?)_

Squall cleared his throat. "Selphie, Quistis and Rinoa are worried about you."

( _Let's start with facts. I can't mess that up. Can I?)_

"I know, they told me." The usually perky voice said from behind the door.

"Why are you sitting in the bathroom?" Squall realized it must have been the wrong thing when he saw the dirty look Quistis shot him. 

( _Too soon? Isn't' that why I'm here? To get her out of the bathroom?)_

"Um...I'm just...I'm afraid."

Squall blinked. 

( _Selphie, you're a SeeD. You aren't afraid of disarming a bomb, shooting a giant missile. I've seen you run into a platoon in a miniskirt and nunchuku and take out ten men in less than two minutes...but, you won't come out of the bathroom?)_

"Okay?" Squall tried.

"If I come out, it's all going to be different...Irvy, he--" Selphie let out a strangled sob.

_(Different? We didn't paint her room or anything.)_

_(Ugh, this is about **Irvine**? I should have known...can't the guy keep his dick in his pants for more than twenty hours?)_

Selphie continued. "Squall, I got mad at Irvy and...and he won't come back and...I don't want him to see me…not like this.” The sobbing was evolving into full blown crying on the other side of the door.

Squall started to resemble an animal trapped in a cage. Taking pity on him, Quistis cleared her throat. "Selphie caught Irvine with another girl. I'm not sure _what_ they were doing. Selphie confronted Irvine and they had an argument. Irvine accused her of being a snoop and he left. She's been crying in there ever since."

The Commander frowned. "Selphie...Come out."

( _Irvine is an idiot for trying to cheat on a girl who can hack into anything blindfolded and with her hands tied behind her back.)_

The petit brunette made a blowing noise from behind the door. "No...I'm a mess and...Irvine isn't coming back-and…"

"Selphie, that's an order." 

( _She'll never disobey that, right?)_

The doorknob unlock but the door wasn't opened. Squall glanced over at Rinoa who nodded at him encouragingly. 

He continued. "Selphie, I...I heard this thing. A quote, or whatever," Squall sounded uncharacteristically unnerved. He wanted to be encouraging but repeating something his shrink told him was just too much. 

( _What did I do to deserve this? Rinoa owes me big...)_

Rinoa smiled at Squall and surprised him when she said. "’We accept the love we think we deserve’," she supplied, knowing Squall would never say that out loud.

_(How did she...?)_

_(The notepad...I wrote it down after group.)_

Squall narrowed his eyes at Rinoa who was looking back at him innocently. 

( _You sneaky little minx...)_

He couldn't stay too upset though, more embarrassed than anything else. After all Squall had been stupid enough to write it down on a legal pad and leave it on his desk in plain sight.

Quistis looked downright shocked at Squall's show of empathy. Casting her his best warning glare, Squall narrowed his eyes.

_(They better not talk about this...ever.)_

"Whatever," Squall muttered. "You deserve a lot, Sephie. Much more than this." He barked at the door, he meant for it to sound kind, but it ended up sounding like an order on the battlefield. 

( _It's the thought that counts, right?)_

The door slowly opened and Selphie stood there, black streaks running down her cheeks from forgotten mascara, hair tangled, nose red. "Squall..." She sniffled, "That's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me."

The tiny woman launched herself like a missile onto him in a bear hug that left Squall coughing. 

_(How does someone this small...I feel like a behemoth just sat on me.)_

Squall tapped her on the back once in response and then pried himself out of her grip. "Training Center," he mumbled, darting out of the room quickly, hoping the women did not notice his crimson cheeks.

_(One step closer...)_


	7. Week 6: Defenselessness

**In Treatment**

**Week 6: Defenselessness**

* * *

**Interlude: Squall and Quistis**

It was Quistis, of all people, who had given him the word buzzing in his head. That irritating concept that tasted bad in his mouth and made his brain work on overdrive. The fact that it was making him think so much was probably a sign it would be good to bring up with Dr. G... _maybe_. It was a word that Squall had always thought to be positive; he was, after all, a soldier.

Quistis was extremely annoyed, as evidenced by the small wrinkle that formed in the center of her forehead as she spoke. "For Bahamut's sake, Squall, stop being so—"

**_Defensive._ **

It had started innocently enough. Quistis had been inquiring about some cadets she had recently taken on a field exam. He had taught a combat class to the same cadets the semester prior. Apparently, one of the cadets had struggled and Quistis wondered how he had done in Squall's training class.

"If he didn't perform it was his own fault, Quistis, I gave him the tools necessary..." Squall was not going to be blamed for some cadet’s poor performance.

It was true. It wasn't _his_ fault the cadet had a royal screw up and barely made it out alive. He had taught him how to use para-magic, the guy just panicked. Squall had been quick to defend his teaching of the cadets before Quistis even had a chance to ask him a question. In fact, she never even finished a sentence. Maybe, he had come on a little strong.

_(Okay, I completely cut her off, I can be honest in my head.)_

And _maybe_ he had sounded a little harsh.

_(Grendels bark more gently than the way I spoke to her.)_

Quistis had arched that obnoxious blonde eyebrow at him and just said. "I wasn't accusing you or criticizing your teaching, Squall, for Bahamut's sake, stop being so—"

_(Defensive...)_

_(Dammit, Quistis.)_

He was furious. Not only did he feel that she was attacking him and blaming him for the cadet’s failure, but then claimed he was being defensive as if it was a weakness. 

Defense is a _good_ thing.

_(Hell, it's a command in battle!)_

_(Then why am I so angry at her?)_

_(What would Dr. G say?)_

* * *

"Cloud, my dear, dear Cloud," Dr G was shaking her head affectionately at the clueless, frustrating yet endearing young man. "Anger is rarely anger, it's pain or fear in disguise."

"Huh?" Cloud's shiny eyes blinked. "Fear of what? She got angry because I forgot to tell her about one delivery? She was practically throwing bottles around the bar."

Dr. G was about to speak when Lulu interrupted her. "Were you born this incredibly idiotic, Cloud? Or did the mako make you denser over time?" Lulu always spoke in that monotone calm voice, it immediately made Squall feel like he was five-years-old again.

_(She must be pretty confident to talk to him like that considering the one hundred fifty pound sword strapped to his back.)_

Cloud blushed slightly at Lulu's comment and mumbled something.

_(Damn. Lulu’s good.)_

Dr. G cleared her throat. "Lulu, maybe you could explain what you mean a bit more... _gently_."

Lulu nodded. "Very well," she turned towards Cloud again and Squall swore that Cloud flinched. The intimidating black mage narrowed her eyes slightly as if daring Cloud to disagree with her. "Tifa was obviously angry because she is afraid that you are going to leave again. The fact that you forgot to tell her about your delivery, and the fact that you were gone when she thought you would be home, brought up the fear that you wouldn't come back. She wasn't _angry_ , she was _scared_. Of you. Leaving. _Again._ " That last word was laid on thick.

"But, of course I'm coming back to Tifa—"

Lulu scoffed. "Why should she trust that? You're a soldier, you know that the best offense is a good defense."

_(Isn't it the other way around?)_

Dr. G nodded. "That's very insightful, Lulu. Perhaps Tifa was upset because she wanted to protect herself from being hurt?"

Cloud shook his head. "I'm not going to hurt her. Not again. Never again."

Relm piped up. "If she's angry at you now, Cloud, she won't feel stupid when you don't come back later...she is getting angry preemptively. Going on the offense to protect herself, right, Lu? Dr. G? I mean look at your track record, Cloud..."

_(The ladies are really ganging up today—maybe it's better if I don't talk this week.)_

Dr. G smiled softly at Cloud. "It’s going to take time for her to believe that you won't leave again, Cloud. In the meanwhile, she is going to put up her defenses quickly and react to things that might not completely make sense to you."

With the repeating of that obnoxious word— _defense_ —Squall finally snapped and let out a quiet scoff. It was as close to an outburst as he was capable. The whole room grew deathly silent.

It caught Dr. G’s attention. "Something you'd like to share, Squall?"

Squall shook his head. "No."

Dr. G remained silent.

_(I hate it when she does that. She just stays quiet so I'll talk. She knows that eventually one of us will break...Sorry, Dr. G, it’s not gonna be me this time.)_

Dr. G folded her hands on her lap and continued to peer at him from above her reading glasses.

_(Why is she giving me that look? Does she know what I'm thinking? I swear she might be psychic...she thinks I'm being a jerk. I can tell. She thinks I'm mad at Lulu, she thinks...)_

_(Damn, she's good.)_

Squall eventually gave in. "Why does everyone keep talking about defense like it's a bad thing?"

Dr. G cast him a knowing look. "Hmmm. Well, that is an excellent comment, Squall. I think this is a hard concept for people, but, and listen to me carefully. _Safety lies in defenselessness_."

Squall almost spit out his now-tolerable group coffee.

Before he could respond, Dr. G held up her hand. "Yes, I know what you're going to say, Squall, but listen. When you are planning a battle, where do you put your strongest fighter?"

Lulu spoke before Squall could. "Auron is always to my left."

Squall nodded. "I always stand next to Rinoa."

"And why is that?" Dr. G asked.

Lulu shrugged. "I'm weak on the left and when I'm casting spells I can't concentrate on defending myself physically… _Oh._ "

_(I don't want Rinoa to get hurt.)_

"Squall, you stand next to Rinoa. I am guessing she might not be quite as good as defending herself as you are. But, from what I understand, she is a tough girl. If I was your enemy, I would realize immediately where your weakness was by where you place most of your defense. You show all your cards, Commander."

_(She's right.)_

Dr. G continued. "Now of course I am not attempting to give you battle tactics or telling you what you do is wrong. You are all good at what you do. I am using this as an analogy for emotional defense."

Dr. G took off her glasses and folded them, placing them on her lap, giving the room a dramatic pause.

_(She always does that when she wants to make some huge point.)_

She cleared her throat. "When you put up a defense, it immediately shows where you are weak _emotionally_. Tifa became defensive because she doesn't feel secure in regards to your leaving, Cloud. You, Cloud, are her _weakness_. Or rather, her _feelings_ towards you are her weakness. _All_ of us do this. I'm sure each of you can think of examples."

_(Am I insecure regarding my teaching abilities? Is that why I immediately assumed Quistis was criticizing me?)_

_(Well, I know I'm not the best communicator and I didn't want to teach the class to begin with because...because I was afraid I wouldn't be a good teacher.)_

_(Shit.)_

_(Dammit, Dr. G, stop being right all the time.)_

Dr. G continued. "This is why— _true_ safety, _true_ security, lies in being defenseless."

Cloud nodded. "Being defensive is just another version of an attack, really. Defense is a war strategy. So...what you're saying that if we aren't defensive, we aren't continuing the war? Does that mean we are surrendering? I never give up in a battle."

Dr. G shook her head. "No. You're winning, really. If a bully is trying to pull you into a fight, how do you respond? Do you enter? Or are you mature enough to not play the childish game?"

_(Seifer.)_

Cloud snorted. "My answer now is different than my answer five years ago. I see what you are saying: defenselessness can't be attacked. If there is no defense there is nothing to attack. It's the ultimate strength."

Dr. G smiled. "Exactly."

* * *

Squall used this epiphany a few days later.

Rinoa was twisting her boot on the ground in front of her. "I know I said I would meet you after group, but—"

Squall nodded. "Yeah, you promised. So, come."

She attempted a cute pout. "I can't, Squall, I have some stuff with Angelo, and..."

_(Nice try Rinoa, the pouty face isn't gonna work this time.)_

"I'll help you with it later, Rin."

Rinoa sighed. "No, I have to do it, it's a special kibble she needs, and—"

"Rinoa..."

The conversation continued like this until Rinoa's voice started to have hints of frustration. "Squall, I have to take care of it! You just don't get it!"

Squall checked his anger. 

( _Safety is in defenselessness. If she is angry, she has fear or pain. She is defending a weakness...Rinoa's fear is—)_

"Rinoa, why don't you want to meet me after group?"

The sorceress crossed her arms. "I do! I have to deal with Angelo."

Squall hesitantly reached out and touched her hand. "Rinoa, they aren't going to care that you're a Sorceress. They will all like you. Just like me." He had been wanting her to meet his friends from group for a few weeks now and finally felt comfortable enough to ask.

Rinoa blinked over at Squall rapidly, as if in shock. Awed that he saw through her temper tantrum. "I—It's not that, seriously, it’s Angelo."

"I'll help you with Angelo. I'll see you at five. They'll love you, just like I do."

As Squall darted away from her before she could argue again, he was confused by her lack of disagreement following him down the hallway. It was then that he realized the reason for her silence. He stopped dead in his tracks.

_(Did I just indirectly tell her I lo—loved her?)_

_(Oh well.)_

_(I guess that's what happens when you're defenseless.)_

_(Win win win. Got her to stop arguing, she's coming and I finally told her.)_

_(How is it, that it was so easy?)_

* * *

Squall couldn't remember what happened in group. He was too preoccupied with his nervousness at Rinoa meeting everyone to really engage anyway. He wasn't afraid of them liking her or her liking them. It was that it felt like he was exposing another part of his persona to her.

The group had become extremely important to Squall, a private thing he treasured. He had even begun to appreciate Tidus. Tidus had helped him somewhat tolerate Laguna. At least to the point where father and son had managed to have three whole phone conversations. Squall had decided that perpetually cheerful people could be _slightly_ tolerable. Sort of. In small, microscopic doses.

Group was finally over. He was heading towards the door when he sensed a presence next to him and heard the soft sound of chains swooshing.

_(Lulu_.)

"Wakka is meeting us too." Lulu said softly.

Squall nodded over at her as they headed towards the exit. He spotted Rinoa standing with two other people he didn't know. A man that looked like Zell except tanner, with red hair and minus the ridiculous facial tattoo. He was bouncing around eagerly, waving his hands around emphatically. The redhead was clearly describing something to Rinoa and the other girl they were with.

The girls were laughing at his story sincerely. Squall recognized the other brunette as Tidus' girlfriend. Tidus has made a point of showing off a picture in group. 

_(Prick...)_

_(The hyper guy must be with Tidus. **Great.** Just what I need, another loud, overly zealous—)_

"That’s my Wakka..." Lulu gestured towards the man, a ghost of a small smile on her face.

_(No...it can't be. That's her husband-to-be? Where is the leather? Where is the scowl?)_

Lulu smirked. "I know, surprising, isn't it? Were you expecting someone more like yourself?"

Squall nodded mutely.

_(Well...yeah.)_

"Look, Tifa is here too," Lulu motioned towards a pretty woman who was running towards the group. There was a lot of bouncing involved.

Squall's eyes bugged out slightly. 

( _Why would Cloud ever leave that...)_

Squall met Rinoa's eyes and she flashed him a brilliant smile. Her conversation with Wakka and Yuna must have already relaxed her. Squall suddenly felt immensely grateful for Lulu and her choice in a mate. And Tidus to a lesser extent. 

Things were changing and the world wasn't ending.

_He_ was changing and people weren't running away, in fact they were getting closer.

_(I'll have to apologize to Quistis for yelling at her the other day.)_

"Come on, Lu, let’s go join them," Squall flashed the mage a small smile.

Lulu paused. " _Lulu_. Call me Lulu, I'm still your elder."

Squall rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Then again, some things would stay the same too.

Squall smirked. "Kind of a defensive response, don’t you think, Lulu?"

Lulu's eyebrow twitched. "Watch it, Leonhart. That sounded like something Tidus would say."

_(Damn, she’s good.)_


	8. Week 7: Closer

**In Treatment**

**Week 7: Closer**

* * *

**INTERLUDE: The girls**

Selphie let out a rather un-ladylike burp as she finished off the golden liquid in front of her. "Boo-(hic)-yaka. When did you learn how to bartend, Quisty? This is _de-lish_ "

Quistis smirked. "There are many things you don't know about me, Selphie. Besides, I'm not one to kiss and tell," she poured the other girl another Galbadian sour.

Selphie grinned and then caught Rinoa's eyes across the counter and winked at her.

"Seifer." The two brunettes said at the same time.

Selphie swore Quistis blushed, though no one would ever believe her. No one in Garden believed their beloved ice queen would ever blush, especially over a _man_.

The blonde shook her head. "Not all surprising or fun things involve guys, Selphie. I may have at one point—perhaps—still currently am…but _certainly_ not serious. _Maybe_ possibly dating."

Selphie blinked. "What?"

"Exactly."

Rinoa rolled her eyes as she shook her glass in front of Quistis indicating a desire for a re-fill. "Quisty, we know you're seeing him and that he makes you happy."

"I'm not your personal bartender, you know," Quistis mock-scolded, but still took the glass from her and mixed another Dollet splash. "Look, we are not serious, so I don't want to talk about it.”

The sorceress arched an eyebrow and took her fresh drink from the other girl. "Not serious? You didn't come home all weekend."

Selphie spit out a small amount of her drink across the table, but wisely chose to remain silent.

The blonde shot Selphie a withering glare. "That's good bourbon, don’t waste it, Selphie." She chose to not address Rinoa's comment.

If Selphie were wise, she would keep her mouth shut. She knew better, but she couldn't help it. This comment could very well land her in Squall's office with transfer papers to Trabia, but…but it was just gnawing at her. "So, how is Seifer in bed?"

This time Rinoa spit out her drink, but with far less grace than Selphie.

Quistis flicked her now tequila-soaked bangs out of her eyes. "He’d good. I won’t say anything beyond that. Like I said, we really aren't serious."

Rinoa paused from sipping her drink. "You can sleep with someone you aren't serious about? I mean—" She tiptoed away from her statement, fearful that she may have inadvertently offended Quistis.

The instructor shrugged. "I find it easier to be that way, honestly. Speaking of sleeping with someone…Rinoa, what about our good Commander? How is _he?_ "

Selphie’s eyes bugged out of her head. She had been dying to know the answer to this as well and was frankly shocked that Quistis had asked the question. She was practically drooling awaiting the response. 

A dainty cough escaped Rinoa’s lips. Clearly covering Quistis with her drink was coming back to haunt her. Payback. "Um…we…we haven't— _you know_. We've barely kissed."

Selphie spit out her entire drink this time, showering poor Quistis once again.

Quistis hmmed, ignoring the fact that her hair was now completely soaked in alcohol. "Sounds like Squall might have the same problem I do. The more you attach to someone _emotionally_ , sometimes the harder it is to see them _physically_. But yet, it's easy to attach yourself physically to people you know can't get attached to you emotionally."

Rinoa's eyes widened at Quistis' confession. "That…makes sense. I know he loves me, he…well he sort of told me but…"

" _What???_ Booyaka!! Why didn’t you tell me?” Selphie jumped to her feet, jabbing her fist in the air, effectively knocking Quistis to the ground as well as the remainder of her drink.

Rinoa simply looked down at her hands and blushed. For once, she was silent. Squall's actions towards her were as much a mystery to her as they were to the other occupants of the room. Quistis, however, seemed to have caught onto something with her statement.

Was Squall somehow unable to combine his feelings of his heart with his feelings below the belt?

* * *

Dr. G was chewing on the back of her pen as she listened to the green haired girl in the group. Lulu was merely raising an eyebrow in her direction. The men all seemed to be shifting uncomfortably, Squall included. Unbeknownst to most, (though he had a sneaky suspicion Dr. G knew), Squall was uncomfortable for completely different reasons as the rest of the men.

"Do you love this man? This Edge?"

_(Count on Lulu to be blunt.)_

A pretty blush graced Rydia’s cheek. "Well, yes."

Lulu shrugged her shoulders. "Then I do not understand what the problem is in terms of expressing it. This is not about your mother, or at least I don't see how it is. Right, Dr. G?"

Rydia squirmed slightly in her seat. "Not all of us find it easy to, ah, express ourselves physically, Lu." Rydia gestured towards Lulu's stomach.

All the color drained from Lulu’s face and she glared at the younger girl.

_(Sweet Hyne, is Lulu pregnant...)_

Squall choked slightly on his coffee and noticed that Cloud had spit his clear across the room. 

( _Rydia has guts calling her out like that. How is she still standing? How has Lulu not killed her yet?)_

Dr. G held up a hand as she felt the tension in the room. "Ladies, _please_. Lulu, you know that Rydia speaks to you from a loving place and we are all quite happy for you."

Lulu managed a small smile. "I know."

Dr. G turned towards the green haired girl. "Rydia, anger doesn't suit you. That being said, I agree with Lulu, I _know_ this isn't about your mother, so... let's get to the bottom of it. What are you afraid of in terms of being intimate with Edge? Does anyone else have any thoughts?"

_(So Rydia loves this Edge guy but can't even kiss him? Does he look like Cid or something? Even then, looks aren't everything, right?)_

_(I don't understand women.)_

"Does he look like a mix between a chocobo and a moomba or something?" Cloud piped up.

Rydia balked. "You're one to talk, spiky. And _no_ , he is quite...eh...um..."

"Handsome?" Lulu offered.

"Charming?" Relm tried.

"Cute?" Dr. G chimed in.

" _Hot_ , actually." Rydia admitted with a deep rouge covering her cheeks.

_(Can we **please** talk about something else. Pleasepleaseplease.)_

Dr. G chuckled slightly, "Ah yes...but we are getting off track here. Rydia, when and _why_ did you separate physical love and emotional love?"

_(Separate love?)_

_(Isn't physical supposed to be an expression of the emotional? I mean, the only reason I haven't been able to get closer to Rinoa is because she probably isn't ready.)_

_(Yup. That's it. **She's** scared.)_

Rydia shook her head. "I don't understand, Dr. G."

Dr. G nodded. "Sorry, I wasn't being clear. Rydia, who in your life did you _love_ but you couldn't be _intimate_ with physically. Maybe, it was because of a social taboo, maybe they were in a relationship. Someone you loved, but it was forbidden to be physical with them. You might not have even been aware of any desire for that matter. Someone you deeply trusted, but there was a clear boundary that love was emotional only. Never physical. For example, when I was quite a bit younger, sixteen to be exact, I had an excellent professor at prep school…"

_(Whoa, Dr. G...who knew you had a sordid past?)_

She continued. "He was amazing and inspired me to study medicine. I know what you were thinking, but this was not any illicit affair. There was not any physical desire on my part _or_ his. I simply _admired_ him, _loved_ him even. There wasn't even a thought of physical love, he was almost fifty at the time. This _love_ though, that I had for him, made it hard for me when I loved my first serious boyfriend in my early twenties. In my mind, somehow, loving someone meant I couldn't be close to them…physically."

"Cecil..." Rydia mumbled quietly.

"Somehow, you have trained your brain that there is a physical barrier up whenever you are close with someone emotionally. Because of whatever physical boundary there was with Cecil," Dr. G continued. "We talk about this all the time in our group. We write programs with our childhood brains and then try to operate them with adult brains, however, programs written with an old computer don't work on a more advanced model."

_(So, we have to re-write the program.)_

"So...I'm broken?" Rydia looked ready to cry.

Dr. G shook her head emphatically. "Not at all, dear. We just have to re-write the program. Recognition is the first step."

_(How do I re-write my program? Who did I love that I couldn't be with physically...Sis? Not...I didn't think of her like that at all, but she was taken away. There was definitely a boundary. Did this make me think that being close to people meant I couldn't get physically close? Arggh, this is extremely uncomfortable.)_

"Remember," Dr G glanced at Squall. "We accept the love we think we deserve. Physical _and_ Emotional."

* * *

After group Squall was standing outside, smoking a cigarette before he headed back to Garden, when he felt a presence to his side. "Cloud, you should know not to sneak up on a soldier. If I didn't hear you coming from a mile away, I would have probably sliced you in half."

Cloud scoffed. "Please, you had no idea I was here and...I'd like to see you try. I've got twice the control of my Buster here than you do with that ridiculous gun thing."

Squall chuckled and silently offered Cloud a cigarette which he took.

_(Don't worry buddy, I won't tell Tifa if you don't tell Rinoa.)_

"Don't tell Tifa," Cloud mumbled as he lit the cigarette.

The two stood outside, staring at the ocean in silence for a few minutes, watching the members of the group walk out of the building.

_(It's nice to be near someone who isn't afraid of silence. This is so much easier than being around Zell.)_

Squall was putting out his cigarette on the bottom of his boot when Cloud finally spoke. "She won't break, Squall."

_(Huh?)_

Squall just glanced over at him with a raised brow.

Cloud flicked his cigarette across the parking lot and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Rinoa. She won't break. I _promise_."

Before Squall could respond, two pale arms snaked their way around Cloud's chest announcing the presence of Tifa. Cloud smirked at Squall and turned around, gathering Tifa in his arms and kissing her, tugging slightly at her hair to turn her face up towards him.

Finally releasing himself from her lips and leaving a dazed Tifa in his wake, Cloud nodded back towards Squall. "See?" He said before he slung an arm around the brunette and dragged her off. Tifa offered Squall an apologetic smile and a small wave as they walked off.

_(Was that a...challenge? Was he calling me chicken?)_

_(Am I afraid that I will break Rinoa? Do I somehow believe that there is a boundary because I...because of how I feel? That something horrible will happen if I ever try to touch her?)_

_(I really hate you sometimes, Dr. G.)_

_(There is **no** way I'm letting Cloud beat me.)_

* * *

"So, the Doc said that Irvine fits into a pattern that has been repeating itself. A play that I need to re-write, basically," Selphie's voice was coming from inside Rinoa's room. Squall found himself standing in front of her door after group, ready to knock.

_(That reminds me, I was planning on killing Irvine next time I see him. I am so sick of listening to Selphie cry about that moron.)_

"Makes sense. You choose the people to fit the pattern you are used to."

_(Quistis is there too, I guess. Wonder if she is still mad at me.)_

Selphie sighed, and Squall could picture her twirling a piece of hair around her finger. "He said that...I chose Irvine also because—because I know he can't fully commit. So, it's safe to be close to him physically, because I know deep down we can't be close emotionally. Because he's not capable of it."

Quistis hmmed. "That's what I was trying to tell you the other night."

"I don't think that's the case with Squall, though. I think maybe...it's that thing you were talking about Quistis." 

( _Rinoa…)_

( _Rinoa has been talking about me with the other girls? Who am I kidding, of course she has.)_

Quistis voice sounded thoughtful. "The boundaries? The difficulty in separating physical and emotional?"

_(Has she been talking to Dr. G?)_

Quistis continued. "There is no doubt Squall has some serious walls, Rinoa, but he has kissed you at least once. And in his own way told you he loves you, right?"

Selphie piped up. "He is definitely physically attracted to you, Irvine told me that he said—"

_(I am going to **kill** Irvine. Seriously. Two strikes Kinneas, I am taking you down slowly and painfully, too…)_

Quistis was laughing about something. "So, Rinoa, make it _obvious_ that there are no boundaries up from you. Use what Hyne gave you. Seduce him."

Rinoa's voice cut through. "Act like...I can't act like that! Squall would freak out and probably think I slept with Seifer at some point."

_(There goes my dinner...)_

Quistis was laughing even louder. "Rinoa, there is a long range from Madonna virgin and whore. Find somewhere in the middle that let's him know it's okay to touch you. That you _want_ him to touch you."

_(Okay, that's enough...)_

_(Of course I want her and...want to do…things. Hyne, I can’t even say it in my head.)_

_(Arggh.)_

Squall decided that now was an appropriate time to announce his presence and knocked sharply on the door, completely silencing all three voices from within.

He heard footsteps and the door slid open to reveal a red-nosed Rinoa from within, a cocktail in her hand.

_(No boundary. It's okay. I can show her how I feel.)_

_(Plus, no way I’m letting Cloud be better at this than me.)_

Squall took a deep breath and gazed at Rinoa, studying her face carefully. She was giving him an inquisitive, slightly apprehensive look.

_(I can smell the liquor from here, ha, they’ve been having fun.)_

Rinoa squinted at him, wrinkling her nose. "Why are you looking at me so funny? What's up, Squall?"

The Commander cleared his throat and then grabbed the wrist of the brunette in front of him, causing her to emit a small yelp. Curling his hand into the back of her head, he tugged slightly at the nape of her neck to turn her face up towards him.

"Squall, what are you—"

Her words were cut off as he kissed her, uncaring of the other occupants of the room. He knew they were staring, slack-jawed, completely mute. But, he didn’t give a damn. He ended the kiss after what seemed like a blissful eternity. Pausing to bury his face in Rinoa’s neck and inhale her scent deeply, he finally let her go.

She was staring at him with glassy eyes, her mouth hung open slightly, her hand coming up to absent-mindedly touch her lips.

"Hi." Squall mumbled. "Ready to go?"

_(Take that, Strife.)_


	9. Week 8:  Plays

**In Treatment**

**Week 8: Plays**

* * *

Dr. G was chewing thoughtfully on the back of her trusty pen which strangely said, ' _Big Bubba's Bail Bonds. Timber.'_ Squall was normally never this verbose and it had everyone at the edge of their seats. His eyes were open as he spoke but he seemed to be staring through all of them and at the wall.

_(If I don't look anyone in the eye, I can keep going...)_

Squall continued. "Her dad, Seifer, and then me. I don't like thinking I have anything in common with Seifer and Caraway aside from the fact that we are all in the military. _Especially_ not Seifer.”

Dr. G interrupted him. “Why not Seifer? What bothers you about that?”

Squall tried not to roll his eyes. “Seifer is a complete ass. Got kicked out of Garden. He’s…he’s a…”

_(Failure. Why can’t I say that out loud? Do I not believe it?)_

“I’m just nothing like him.”

Relm wrinkled her nose. “Isn’t he the hotty super jacked blonde with the gunblade who trained in Garden? Isn’t that like you?”

Squall chose to ignore the ‘hotty’ comment. “He got kicked out of Garden. Yes, he uses a gunblade, but after that the similarities stop.”

The artist raised an eyebrow and was about to say more, but was silenced by a look from Dr. G.

The Commander went on. “Rinoa has been talking about patterns in relationships or something. How it was no coincidence she dated me after Seifer. Quistis said something that set her off."

_(I think I threw up a little when she even mentioned Seifer and me in the same sentence. I am seriously demoting Quistis and Irvine after all of this is over.)_

"Do you guys look similar?" Cloud attempted to connect.

Lulu rolled her eyes. "Don't be so obvious."

Squall instinctively reached to the side where he normally kept his gunblade. Sensing his frustration, Dr. G held up a hand to silence everyone else. "Squall, you may be overlooking the most obvious thing. Have you heard of Occam's Razor?"

_(Occam's Razor? Is that a weapon? Sounds deadly.)_

The Commander inadvertently grinned and shook his head.

Dr. G smirked in return knowingly. "Occam's Razor is a philosophical rule that merely says this: _the simplest explanation is the best explanation._ Essentially—the less complex a theory is, the more likely it is to be accurate. _"_

_(That is the stupidest thing I've ever...)_

"The simple explanation, the one you are overlooking is this—the thing all of you—Caraway, Seifer, and _you_ , Squall—have in common is _Rinoa_. She is what ties you three together more than anything else. What you all share is her. Don't you see? It has nothing to do with you, or Garden, or your relationship with Seifer."

_(She's right.)_

_(The thing, other than military that connects all of us is Rinoa. There are hundreds of thousands of military and mercenaries around Gaia, probably ones that are possibly bigger tools than Seifer, but Rinoa is unique.)_

"Squall, I think you told me once a bit about Rinoa's mother and your father."

_(Dr. G, please don't go there...)_

Cloud spit his coffee out across the room, an event that occurred at least once in every group. "Whoaaa...what's this, Leonhart? Your girlfriend’s mom and _your_ dad had a thing?"

Lulu glared over at Cloud. "Don't put him on the spot. It's not kind."

Dr. G studied Squall carefully. "Is it alright if I continue?"

_(I trust you...)_

Squall nodded.

"Rinoa's mother, Julia, starred in her own play. Before you interrupt me, Tidus, _yes,_ I mean like a play on a stage. Except this play was acted out over and over in Julia’s real life. This was a play written in Julia’s _mind._ Likely a play that she wrote when she was young without even realizing it. A play Rinoa saw _every_ day of her life.”

“In this play, the beautiful damsel, played by Rinoa's mother, had her poor soldier leave for war to never come back. The original ‘actor’ needed to be replaced as he disappeared. So, Rinoa's mother had to find someone else to play the role of the man who left and didn't come back.”

“Enter Rinoa's father, Fury Caraway. Fury was there for Julia physically, but was not there emotionally. Essentially, he _also_ left her. The script Julia had written with Laguna was repeated with Fury. While I don’t know the specifics of Julia’s childhood, I would venture to guess that something similar happened in her youth.”

“Julia _cast_ Fury for this role, you see. The play is the same, the characters are intrinsically the same, but the setting and the actors are _different_. This likely had been going on for generations in their family. Now, Rinoa gets to be the star of the play, and not only is she the star, but she is the director, choreographer, stage manager, producer and cast manager. She chooses the cast for Julia’s play. And Rinoa chose Squall."

“I don’t get it. Julia worked in theater?” Tidus was unsurprisingly confused.

Dr. G sighed slightly. “No, dear, it’s a metaphor of sorts. We all act out our own plays in our life. Following scripts. Without realizing it.”

Squall grit his teeth slightly. The entire thing made sense, but he did not like the forgone conclusion.

_(So, I'm doomed to just leave Rinoa? Does she know me better than I know myself? She knows I run when we get too close? She chose me, because she knows I will run away?)_

Dr. G placed her glasses on her lap and looked carefully at Squall, catching his eyes and refusing to look away. "We as humans have a _choice_ , Commander. You can choose to _rewrite_ the script and Rinoa can choose that too. You can break the cycle. Your being in group with us shows this to be a truth."

"Like my choosing not to wallow anymore?" Cloud piped up.

Dr. G nodded, still staring into Squall's eyes. "Yes, Cloud. Like you choosing to not wallow anymore, you changed the script, changed the course of events and look where you are now."

Lulu smirked. "Yevon knows why Tifa puts up with him."

_(Truer words have not been spoken, Lu.)_

There was a murmur of agreement amongst the group.

* * *

After group was over, Squall was lost deep in thought. His reverie was interrupted a soft hand on his shoulder. His first instinct was to reach for his weapon, it was rare anyone could sneak up on him successfully. Instead a soft, familiar voice calmed him. "Come with me, Squall, I want to talk in private."

_(This can't be a good thing. Going to the principal's office is never good.)_

Dr. G guided him into a small room in the back of the meeting hall. From the looks of it, it was probably used for storage and impromptu personal therapy sessions apparently. There was a single folding chair open in the middle of the room, the rest stacked neatly against the wall, Dr. G motioned for him to sit.

_(Am I being interrogated?)_

Dr. G grabbed one of the other chairs from the stack and placed it carefully in front of Squall and sat across from him, putting herself between Squall and the only door in the room.

_(Is this one of those tricks where she is waiting for me to speak first? I could do without the mind games...)_

"Squall, I am proud of you," Dr. G began.

Squall crossed his arms and frowned slightly.

(Y _ou better not get all mushy, G, or you are losing all credibility.)_

Dr G smiled. "Now, I know you are thinking that I am going to get sentimental, but don't worry. I haven't been sentimental since the day my last child was born, and that was only because I was glad I could start drinking scotch again. By the way, I prefer single malt Trabian and my birthday is in October."

Squall snorted but a small smile formed on his lips.

"Squall, you have really made some connections here. Not only that but you have helped your peers. Sadly, it gets harder from here on out."

_(You can't be serious.)_

"The next step is for you to take what you learned here and continue to apply it in your other relationships. _All_ your relationships. These walls we talk behind are sacred and safe. The outside world isn’t safe. Living _beyond_ therapy is the hard part."

The Commander frowned and felt a moment of panic. "Are you kicking me out of group?"

Dr G. shook her head. "I'm not kicking you out, don’t be alarmed. I want you to continue with us, _but_ I also want you to continue to push yourself. I think you're getting complacent. I also think it might help for us to talk a little bit one on one sometimes."

_(I thought I was doing well...)_

"Squall, you're doing well, but now you need to do _more_."

_(Seriously, how does she do that? I swear she can read minds.)_

"When we deal with trauma we look at symptoms. Do you have flashbacks, nightmares about the event? Do you depersonalize? Are you aggressive? Do you find it hard to get close to others? Do you avoid things, triggers, people, that remind you of a certain event? Does any of this sound familiar?"

Squall shrugged. "I'm quiet, I guess, that doesn't mean I depersonalize. I've made friends."

"Yet, when was the last time you spoke with Ellone?"

Dr. G was met with the intimidating glare of icy blue eyes narrowing.

She remained unphased. "Still too painful there, hm? You still can't bring yourself back to your trigger. You will have to learn how to go back _without_ it causing you to pull away from other people. What was your first reaction when I mentioned Ellone?"

_(The fact that I really hate you.)_  
_(Like, really, **really** hate you sometimes.)_  
_(You're good, really good. And I need to kill something.)_  
  


"I was..." Squall paused. "I was...angry at you."

The blonde therapist nodded in approval. "You were angry at me because I made you go back to that place. The place that reminded you of your pain, of your loss. You wanted me to go away. You wanted to disappear again—”

A sharp knock on the door interrupted her, following by Lulu’s familiar monotone. " _Dr. G, you might want to come out here...”_

"Just a moment, dear," Dr. G was probably the only person on the planet who got away with calling Lulu ‘dear’. She turned towards Squall again. "Squall, the reason I'm telling you this is not to chastise you. It's because those of us who have experienced trauma...if we haven't _fully_ taken care of it…we can actually feel other’s trauma as if we’ve experienced the trauma ourselves. You need to protect those you love."

She stood up gracefully. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm guessing I have to stop Cloud from trying to kill Tidus. _Again._ And remember, Squall: Ellone"

Squall stayed in the room for a few minutes after Dr. G left. He buried his face in his hands and let out a deep sigh. 

( _Protect those I lo- care about? Does she mean I distance myself from Rinoa to protect her? Or else...I have to deal with Ellone. Thanks a lot, Dr G.)_

After staying an extra thirty minutes in the supply closet/impromptu office, Squall finally left the meeting hall. Only _after_ he was sure that everyone else was gone. He was not in the mood for anyone, especially not Tidus, or Lulu's annoyingly hyper fiancé.

_(Maybe I should talk to Rinoa about this? Ellone...I can't yet. I’m not ready.)_

* * *

**Interlude: The girls and Zell**

Quistis was irritated with her friend to say the least. The solutions to her problems, and the obvious truths regarding her ‘boyfriend’, were plain as day to the blonde. Yet, Selphie refused to acknowledge them.

Quistis, however, had far more tact than Rinoa. And far more of a filter than Zell.

"I just don't get it," Rinoa was flailing her arms in the air as she spoke, the water in her glass splashing all over the floor. "Why do you continue to put up with it?"

Selphie blinked rapidly, a confused puppy look crossing her features. "Put up with what?"

“ _Irvine!”_ Zell shouted, right next to Quistis’ ear.

Qustis held up her hand before things got worse, feeling a migraine coming on in addition to the new onset hearing loss in her right ear. "Zell Dincht, when you begged me if you could join us watching _The Real Housewives of Deling City,_ what did I say? _”_

The brawler crossed his arms with a small pout. “To be fair, you said ‘hell no’.”

She rolled her eyes. “And _then_ what did I say after you kept begging me for two straight weeks.”

“You said yes, but only under one condition…”

The other occupants of the room glanced between the two blondes, not knowing the details of why Zell was suddenly allowed in girl’s night. Quistis just stared at Zell, waiting for him to continue.

Zell jumped to his feet impatiently and punched his fists in the air. “That ain’t fair, Quistie! Making a rule that I’m not allowed to talk at all? C’mon! Besides, I care about Selphie just as much as you. I got good advice to give!”

One look from Quistis, and Zell sat back on the couch and shut his mouth. Every once and a while he would open it and then slap a fist over his lips to stop himself from saying whatever it was that he was going to say.

Selphie, for her part, looked confused. 

The former instructor flashed Zell a brilliant smile before turning to Selphie. “What Rinoa and Zell mean is...we really care about you, Selphie, and don't like seeing your moods so...so…” She gestured with her hand as if looking for a specific word.

Rinoa slammed her glass on the table. "All over the place! Your moods are _all_ over. First, you love him, then you're sad, then you want to be with him, then..." Quistis stopped Rinoa with a firm squeeze on her shoulder.

"Selphie, we don't like seeing you hurt. While we love Irvine...he isn't exactly boyfriend material," Quistis was as tactful as she could be while delivering news that was likely not welcome.

Zell was turning near-purple, almost exploding with whatever it was that he wanted to say.

Selphie flopped to the floor and flicked imaginary pieces of dust across the room. "Well, Squall is, like, the last thing from a boyfriend too. Definitely not ‘boyfriend material’, or whatever. No one is telling Rinoa to dump him. I’m not even sure why she puts up with him. Why are you guys ganging up on _me?_ ”

It was that moment that Squall decided to enter Rinoa's room.

_(I really need to start knocking.)_

* * *

Deep down, Squall was terrified that Selphie, for once, was completely correct. He and Rinoa had an expiration date, unless he started following the advice that Dr. G had given him earlier that day. She wouldn’t put up with him forever.

Talking about it made it seem so easy.

Living was the hard part.


	10. Week 8.5:  Players

**In Treatment**

**Week 8.5: Players**

* * *

_"Well, Squall is, like, the last thing from a boyfriend too. Definitely not ‘boyfriend material’, or whatever. No one is telling Rinoa to dump him. I’m not even sure why she puts up with him. Why are you guys ganging up on me?”_

To say Squall was confused was an understatement. To say Squall was angry was an understatement. To say Squall was irritated was an understatement. Squall was all these things at the same time, but couldn't allow any of these emotions to cross his features. Especially not once he saw the pained look on Rinoa's face upon seeing him after Selphie's comment.

Seeing that he had clearly heard her. Guilt washed over Rinoa, and Squall could practically smell her panic. He had no idea that people thought that Rinoa should dump him. It hit him like a Trabian ice bath.

He tried desperately to calm his temper down as he gazed at Rinoa, no one saying a word. Yet, it appeared that Rinoa was experiencing every emotion he was trying valiantly not to emit. He was failing miserably.

Dr. G's words echoed in his head.

_(If you don't deal with your trauma, those around you can almost experience it themselves)_

_(Rinoa doesn't know what to do. She’s terrified. She’s terrified of what **I** will do.)_

Quistis cleared her throat.

_(Thank Hyne for Quistis.)_

"I don't think Selphie meant it like that, Squall," Quistis said cautiously, as if she was tiptoeing around a sleeping lion. "She;s is in a bad place right now because of Irvine and she was lashing out."

_(I am sending Irvine out on a six month long mission the second I get to my office. The worst mission I can find. Malboro extinction in Esthar.)_

Squall surveyed the pathetic group of women: Rinoa, both horrified and terrified at the same time; Selphie, once again hysterical and crying; and, Quistis, as usual attempting to be calm and fix everything around her, deep in ‘mother hen’ mode.

And for some reason, Zell was there. And not speaking. And holding his hand over his mouth as he danced around on the balls of his feet, always full of exhausting energy. 

He would deal with that later. 

"Rinoa—" Squall started to say.

Rinoa stood up quickly and spoke in a hurried voice, quickly interrupting him. "Squall, you know I don't agree with what Selphie said. I think you're amazing and you've been such a great boyfriend-"

The Commander held up a silencing hand. "It's fine. I know." He then turned towards Selphie. "Selphie, I’m sick of this."

"Squall!" Quistis' voice had an admonishing tone, but Squall ignored it.

Squall pinched the bridge of his nose. "Selphie, you need to make up your mind. If you want to be with Irvine, do it. But then you put up with his behavior, or otherwise challenge him to be different.”

He then sat heavily down on Rinoa’s plush arm chair with a sigh, trying not to be annoyed by the fact that it was covered in Angelo fur. “Rinoa would have left me ages ago if I didn't put in remote effort. Effort to show that I…I...well, that I feel _anything_ at all towards, well, _anything_."

The Commander paused theatrically, taking a cue from Dr. G's amazing ability to use a dramatic pause to make a point.

The women were all hushed, but Squall swore he saw pride shining in Rinoa and Quistis' eyes. Zell was nearly bursting at the seams, clutching both hands over his mouth now, his face red.

Squall cleared his throat and wished, for the first time in his life, that he had glasses he could adjust. "Selphie, you deserve for Irvine to be better. Tell him to act up or shut up. He either changes the play or he makes his exit."

Selphie sniffled. "But, Mrs. Tilmitt always says that 'shoes don't stretch and men don't change'."

Squall felt somewhat culpable regarding his tone with Selphie. He really needed to talk to Rinoa and every time he tried to, there was some drama regarding Irvine and Selphie. Frankly, he was dead-tired of dealing with Selphie crying and having to rearrange who goes on what mission to make sure Irvine wasn't going to be tempted by yet another Garden floozy. It was really getting old.

"No, we don't change. But we can..." Squall gestured in the air, as if trying to find the right word.

_(Someone help me out here.)_

"Grow?" Rinoa offered hesitantly.

"Squall is right," Quistis piped in. "Men can grow. Think about Seifer. He isn't the guy dying to be a knight anymore _and_ it turns out he can cook. He was watching Top Chef Galbadia and took some classes and I think it's actually made him more sensitive...who would have though-" She coughed quickly, "I mean, that's what I _heard_...and…well the point is—Squall is right."

Squall raised an eyebrow. 

_(Seifer and Quistis? Did I just enter some alternate dimension?)_

Selphie sighed and slowly dragged herself up from the floor. " _Maybe_. I...I just can't stand the thought of losing him. I'm not strong like you, Squall."

"Bullshit," Squall snorted.

"What?" Selphie had never heard Squall actually curse out loud, though she imagined that his inner dialogue was about seventy-five percent profanity.

"Squall's right—" Rinoa started.

_(Wow, I've been called right **twice** in the last five minutes. That's a first.)_

Rinoa continued. "You're stronger than you think, Selphie. Plus, you don't really _have_ Irvine right now. Sometimes you have to let go of something in order to have it. If that makes sense."

Selphie nodded. "I...thanks guys, I just...need to think."

She made her way to the door. Rinoa reached out a hand to stop her, but Quistis pulled Rinoa back giving her a pointed look.

After Selphie closed the door, Quistis looked at Squall and quickly realized why he had come in the first place. Grabbing Zell’s arm she dragged him to the door as well. "I, um, I have some papers to grade," she muttered quickly before swiftly exiting Rinoa's room.

_(Finally...)_

Squall looked over at Rinoa. "We need to talk."

Rinoa's eyes began to glaze over as if she was going to cry. "You _know_ I don't agree with Selphie, right? That was just...horrible timing. I’m so embarrassed."

Placing a calming hand on her arm, Squall shook his head. "I know, Rinoa. I really do." He looked around the room, trying to figure out how to start this conversation with her. His eyes stopped on a bottle of Merlot that had been opened, but it looked as if nothing had been poured yet. He seemed to have interrupted a girls' night. Which, for some reason, Zell had managed to wriggle his way into. 

_(Don't they have girls' night every night? I've got to start checking the Garden alcohol stock.)_

"Didn't you guys have a girls' night last night?"

Rinoa blinked, clearly not expecting that question. "Huh? That's what you wanted to talk about?"

"No, but...it was last night, right?"

Rinoa stared at him with a puzzled look. "No, last night we were watching Esthar's Top Voice which is always better with cocktails. Tonight is ‘Real Housewives of Deling City’.”

Squall hummed. "What about Thursday?"

Rinoa blushed. "Well we sometimes have girls' night on Thursday."

"And Friday?"

"Blitzball."

"And last Tuesday?"

Rinoa's nose began to turn pink. "Well we were celebrating, um, uh...the... _okay fine._ I like wine sometimes."

Squall smirked. The conversation had at least managed to cut some of the tension that the room had acquired previously. Rinoa tentatively sat down on his lap and Squall reassuringly put his arm around her shoulder.

_(When did this become so easy? One little arm and she is already relaxed. Maybe I should talk to Dr. G about battle tactics sometime...)_

Rinoa gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. "So, you wanted to talk?"

* * *

**Interlude: Irvine and Selphie**

Irvine was rolling a cigarette of his favorite Galbadian tobacco when he heard the knock at his door. Sighing, as he knew the ice in his whiskey was going to melt and ruin the drink, he headed to the door. Unfortunately, he was going to have to deal with whomever was at his door and it was not putting him in a good mood. ‘Whomever’ was a bit of an understatement, he assumed it was one of the many girls he flirted with that was now going to bite him in the rear. He couldn't help that he was such a charmer, after all.

Tossing his cigarette on the table and throwing on a shirt instead of just his duster, Irvine went towards the door, his boots clanking on the floor noisily.

He was not expecting Selphie and was certainly not expecting what proceeded next. He was about to open the door when her voice stopped him.

 _"Don't open it,"_ Selphie's tell-tale pixie-esque voice squeaked from the other side.

"Darlin'?"

_"Don't open the door, I can't get this out if I'm looking at you, okay?"_

Irvine was perplexed but managed to mumble. "Alright, darlin'. You feeling okay? Did Quistis make her Galbadian Holiday Punch again and you mistake it for regular ole' lemonade?"

_"Stop joking. I can't...I can't do this if you're being cute."_

Irvine smirked, hook-line-and-sinker. He always knew how to deter a serious conversation with a few jokes and affectionate nick-names.

Sadly, it wasn't going to work this time.

Bolstered by Squall's words, Selphie decided the best course of action was to just blurt everything out at once. " _I can't put up with this anymore. I'm never happy. You should make me happy, not crying all the time. Either you figure out how to be a faithful guy or...or...or I just can't be with you. I'll transfer to Trabia if I have to. I'm serious!"_

Irvine pushed the button to open his door, finding Selphie standing in front of it, fists clenched and eyes closed. He reached out to wrap his arms around her and she stepped back, avoiding his embrace. Apparently, this was going to require some talking. "Come on, Seffie, you know I can't lose ya. You’re my best gal. I can be faithful. I promise."

Selphie shook her head furiously. "Your word isn't good enough anymore, Irvy. I'm sorry...Wait, actually I'm _not_ sorry. You should be sorry!" She glared up at him and stuck a finger in his face. "Figure out how to fix it, using something other than your words and that crap you have going on under your pants!"

With that, she stormed off, leaving behind a baffled Irvine. When did she suddenly get a spine?

Irvine blamed her recent therapy and stalked off to find someone to vent to.

* * *

"You wanted to talk?" Rinoa prompted Squall again.

"Yeah." Squall managed.

_(How do I start this?)_

_(So, I learned in therapy about people reconstructing their childhood. So, I heard this thing from Quistis...no. So, I randomly came to this epiphany. She'll never buy that one.)_

While he was lost in his mind, Rinoa was starting to get antsy. Maybe he was coming to tell her that it was too difficult to be with her? Maybe he thought she had a drinking problem? Maybe...

"Rinoa, I don't want to be Laguna and Julia. Or Julia and Fury. Or Laguna and Raine."

Rinoa blinked, somewhat baffled. "Okay...?"

Squall could be obtuse sometimes, but this was odd, even for him. It reminded her of the time he said 'Centra seventeen hundred' and she was supposed to somehow know that meant that he wanted to go to dinner with her the following evening.

In an uncharacteristic move, Squall visibly squirmed. "I don't...I don't want that."

Rinoa flinched.

_(Great, now she's going to think I don't want to be with her. Hyne, I suck at this.)_

"What I mean is, I don't want to _leave_ like Laguna did. Or not be there like your dad. Sometimes I...I—" 

( _I worry.)_

"I think that people can end up being like their pasts. Like their parents. You too. And. I don’t want to end up like them." Squall concluded, desperately hoping that Rinoa was understanding him.

_(I'm scared I will hurt you. I'm scared I'll break you. I know Cloud said I wouldn't, but can't you see that even **I** can get scared?)_

Rinoa stayed silent for a moment, trying to understand what Squall was saying to her. "I think I understand. You...you want us to not make the mistakes they made?"

Squall nodded and suddenly felt desperate to lighten the mood. He also desperately wanted to finally express how he felt in words and hopefully maybe in some action. The hard part was over now.

He cleared his throat. "And in the spirit of honesty...I really don't like dogs. In fact, I hate them. They shed, they are needy, they poop in the quad. I hate them. I like cats. In fact, I want to get one, I'll name it 'Squall Jr' and he can sit and be quiet with me. And kill things. Angelo is tolerable, but I thought you should know."

Rinoa had no idea how to respond to this outburst, so she laughed nervously. She didn't know that this was a very confounded and convoluted means of leading up to telling her how he felt, despite hating her dog. Just like Squall to make something romantic into a weird tactical situation.

Her thoughts were impeded by his lips pressing insistently against hers.

Rough hands were running through her hair and his mouth was warm, inviting and…perfect. She couldn't think. He had never kissed her like this before. His hands were travelling from her hair to the sensitive flesh of her neck, her collar bones...and each place he touched felt like it was on fire.

She wasn't sure anymore where he ended and where she began.

Reluctantly, he pulled away from her lips, but kept her face close. She could feel his hot breath tickling her, she could smell his breath, apparently, he had chewed on cinnamon gum earlier. Weird, she always figured him more a spearmint guy.

He finally spoke and his voice sounded like the kiss he had just given her: husky, warm, intoxicating. She felt drunk.

"Rinoa, what I'm trying to say is...even though I might not like your dog and sometimes you can drive me nuts, I absolutely and completely lov-"

His romantic confession was interrupted by Rinoa's door slamming open. " _Squall!_ I’ve been looking everywhere for you. What the hell is wrong with women?! Selphie just—oh…whoa…sorry, dude.”

The mood was officially killed and Rinoa looked near murderous as she glared at the cowboy that had nearly broken down her door.

_(Okay, that’s your last strike, Irvine. I am seriously going to kill you.)_


	11. Week 9: Love Languages

**In Treatment: Week 9**

**Love Languages**

* * *

Tifa was wiping down the counter of Seventh Heaven when the bell over the door clanged, signaling someone's entrance. "We're not open yet," she called, not looking up from her rag which was working on a particular stain on the wooden counter.

"Tifa," a small voice replied, causing the brunette to glance up at the patron.

The person who walked into Seventh Heaven was the last person Tifa would have expected.

"Rinoa?" Tifa smiled at the girl. "Squall isn't here."

Rinoa shook her head. "I'm not looking for—"

"Cloud isn't here either," Tifa motioned towards a stool at the bar, inviting the younger girl to sit. "He's on a delivery right now."

"I'm here to see you," Rinoa said softly as she slid onto the stool and sat in front of Tifa.

"Oh," Tifa fiddled with her rag, unsure of what to do next.

Rinoa drummed her fingers absently on the bar trying to decide how to proceed. She opened her mouth to speak but then stopped.

Tifa chewed gently on the inside of her mouth, clueless towards the others' presence. "So...can I get you a drink?

"It's 10:45."

"Oh."

The drumming on the counter continued, both girls silent, the ticking of the clock painfully loud in the background.

Tifa cleared her throat. "Uh...can I please...?"

"I guess a mimosa wouldn't hurt," Rinoa giggled nervously and Tifa busied herself pouring the champagne and orange juice for the both of them.

Tifa slid the glass down the bar and took a sip herself. "It's awkward, isn't it?"

Rinoa nodded. "Yeah..."

"It's okay. What can I do for you? If you aren't looking for Squall or Cloud, I imagine you're looking for me. It can't be Marlene or Denzel."

"Who?" Rinoa shook her head. "Nevermind that. I actually have a question for you."

"Shoot," Tifa walked around the bar and sat down next to Rinoa.

"What was your Dad like?"

Tifa blinked rapidly, not expecting that question. "My dad? Well, he was distant. My mom died when I was five, actually..."

Rinoa's eyes widened. "Mine too."

"Really? Strange coincidence. Anyway, after mom died, my dad distanced himself from me. I think...I think I must have reminded him of mom. So, in a lot of ways I raised myself. I was gone from my hometown by sixteen. Why do you ask?"

Rinoa took a sip of her drink and cast an appreciative glance at Tifa. “That sounds a lot like how I was brought up. Do you...do you ever think that's what made you attracted to Cloud?"

To say Tifa appeared confused by that question was an understatement. "Cloud? Dad and him couldn't be more different."

"No, I mean—do you ever think that maybe...um...maybe you chose someone who was somewhat unavailable because of your parents? Like...that you didn't really choose them at all, it's just fulfilling something from your childhood?"

Tifa began to understand what the younger girl was trying to say. "Rinoa, I see what you're asking, but, I wouldn't worry too much about it. We are free agents and Squall seems to care deeply for you. Do _you_ love Squall?"

Rinoa nodded without hesitation.

The barmaid smirked. " Do you worry he will leave you?"

Rinoa shook her head, again without hesitation.

"So, then he isn't your dad. If some things remind you of your family sometimes that isn't a bad thing. You can choose your own path. Your eyes are open, right? People can change the patterns, Rinoa."

"Thanks Tifa, I think I understand," Rinoa smiled. "You really think men can change?"

Tifa giggled. "My friend Yuffie used to say, _'shoes don't stretch and men don't change_ ', but I don't believe that anymore. People think I'm crazy for sticking with Cloud, but in the end I know he won't ever truly leave, even if he isn't here all the time. Cloud goes to therapy _voluntarily_ , which is about as much proof as anyone would need that men can change.”

Holding a hand to her mouth, Rinoa tried not to laugh. Tifa’s friend sounded a lot like Selphie. While Squall didn’t go to group voluntarily, Rinoa had a sneaky suspicion he just _might_.

The barmaid gently laid her hand over Rinoa’s. “Cloud even tells me when he leaves now, which seems like a little thing, but it's _not_. Worry about _you_ and Squall and how he _acts_. Not just what he says. _Talk_ to him. Tell him your fears. You'd be surprised."

Bartenders, ever great listeners, and always good with advice.

* * *

Dr G gladly accepted the cup of coffee Squall silently offered her at the beginning of group. She cleared her throat. "Today, I want to talk about love."

There was a collective groan among the men of the group and Dr. G waved her hand dismissively. "Deal with it, boys. We know each other well enough here and this is a safe place, right?"

Another groan.

_(Dr G, I am not talking about romantic feelings in this group. Laguna, fine. Battle, fine. Some stuff about Rinoa, fine. But there is no way we are going into...that.)_

"What does love mean to you? How do you know someone loves you?"

_(They don't leave when I'm acting like a complete asshole.)_

Relm spoke up. "They give you stuff."

_(That's stupid, I don't need anything.)_

Lulu was the next to speak. "They tell you that they love you."

_(Irvine tells Selphie he loves her all the time and he cheats on her. Words mean nothing.)_

Rydia piped up. "They protect you."

Cloud, surprisingly chimed in. "They make your lunch every day."

Squall rolled his eyes.

Dr. G smiled. "These are all excellent examples, thank you. People express and accept love in different ways. These are called our love languages. For example, my husband expresses his love towards me by buying me gifts. But, gift giving isn't the language I understand or speak. I understand the language of ‘words of affirmation’. When I explained this to my husband he made an effort to say 'I love you' more often."

_(I can't picture Dr. G's husband. Is he a total wuss? Being married to her would be scary the way she reads minds--)_

Squall stopped his thought process as Dr. G looked directly at him before continuing. "He is a senior official in the government defense services. So, basically, I know very little of what he does. In case you were wondering."

_(That…is not what I was expecting.)_

"Now, can anyone guess how _I_ express love? How do I express to _you_ all that I care about this group?"

There were murmurs among the group until finally Tidus spoke up. "Well, you _run_ this group."

_(Thank you, captain obvious. I hate that guy.)_

Dr. G nodded in affirmation towards the blonde. "Very close, Tidus. I spend _time_ with you. _Quality time_ is one of the five languages of love. The other four are: gift giving; acts of service; words of affirmation; and physical touch."

Squall blushed inadvertently.

Dr. G continued. "My challenge for you is to figure out _your_ language. What language do you speak and which do you receive? They aren’t always the same. Then, I want you to figure out what your _partner_ speaks. This way it can help you to express your love to your partner in a way they can understand."

_(This sounds ridiculous. Rinoa knows I care. I spend time with her all the time...)_

_(I spend more time with her than anyone. She has to know...right? But wait...maybe she doesn't... maybe she needs gifts? No, that doesn't seem like Rinoa.)_

"There is more though, and this is very important. We all have a certain amount of love we can give out before it needs to be replenished. This is a so-called ' _Love Tank'_. It’s like a tank of gas, it needs to be filled up. It’s your duty to your partner to fill theirs, just as they replenish yours. None of us can run on empty.”

Squall was still deep in thought as Dr. G was talking in the background. 

( _She likes to do things for me…like laundry and cooking but doesn't seem to need that back. Words? Maybe a little...No, what Rinoa needs is…is… **physical** …)_

Feeling embarrassed and flustered, Squall could barely think the word before he knew what Rinoa needed. He glanced over at Cloud who seemed to know exactly what he was thinking. Cloud smirked at him in almost a challenge, resting his hands behind his head in a casual pose.

_(You're on, Cloud...)_

Before he realized it, group was finished. As he was walking out, he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

"Squall," the voice of Dr. G said softly. "Remember, there can be safety in vulnerability."

* * *

" _Hyne_ , Squall! You almost burned me with that Firaga!" Irvine brushed the small fire off of his duster dramatically, then quickly shot the last Grat in the Training Center.

Squall rolled his eyes. "Really? Whoops? I can't believe I missed that Grat." 

( _I wish it had hit your stupid ponytail for interrupting Rinoa and me. **Again**. I swear I am having Dr. Kadowaki castrate you.)_

Irvine flicked his ponytail over his shoulder and slung his gun across his back. "Squally, you're supposed to be solving my problems with Selphie here, not letting out whatever anger and pent of sexual frustration you're harboring."

_(You have no idea.)_

_(Plus, Selphie is the **least** of your problems right now.) _

Squall merely grunted in response.

"So, flowers, chocolate? Romantic dinner?" Irvine was clueless to Squall's irritation.

"Won't work." 

( _I will not kill Irvine. I will not kill Irvine. I will not kill Irvine.)_

"Always works, Squall. She _loves_ that stuff. Selphie is a sucker for…" Irvine was interrupted by a gunblade to his neck.

"Irvine, I am going to make this _very_ clear and only say this once. So, listen up. You have given Selphie meaningless words and presents. What have they done? Do they change how you act? Do you just think she will keep believing your gifts and words when your actions speak otherwise?”

Irvine audibly gulped and shook his head ever so slightly, not wanting to accidently decapitate himself with the blade pressed against his neck.

Squall pressed the blade in for emphasis. “Think about how _Selphie_ expresses herself to other people. How does _she_ show she cares. Figure out how she will _know_ you are serious this time. Then do it.”

The cowboy let out a bated breath as Squall pulled the blade back.

“Irvine, I swear if you mess up I will send you on the worst trip I can possibly find to the most remote area of the world and you will be gone for years. And it will be really, really freaking cold and devoid of women."

With that, Squall stormed out of the training center. Before exiting he paused thoughtfully and spoke without looking over his shoulder. "Figure out Selphie's love language and communicate with her in _that_ language." He mumbled before exiting. 

( _I am never getting involved in other people's lives again.)_

Irvine frowned after Squall, dumbstruck at the Commander’s anger. "Love... _language_?" He mumbled to himself, scratching his head in confusion. "What in blue heaven is he talking about? Where does Squall get this crap? Maybe that cute girl in the library can help me..."

* * *

**Interlude: The Girls**

Rinoa and Quistis were busy pouring over the note that Irvine had written Selphie.

_"Sefie- I realize that I have seriously messed up. I know saying how much I love you won't mean anything anymore. I gotta do stuff. I've signed up to see some therapist person and hope you will come with me someday. I am gonna try my best to not touch any other girl and will keep talking to this dude until he says I am better for ya. I'll keep going even if you don't come. Love, Irvine."_

Quistis was shocked, to say the least. "I mean it's not Shakespeare or anything...do you believe him?"

Selphie shook her head. "I don't know. He's never said anything like this before. Usually he just sends a bunch of presents and begs for forgiveness."

Rinoa thought back to her conversation with Tifa. "Well, people can change right? We can change the patterns once we recognize them?"

The other two occupants of the room nodded and Quistis spoke first. "You know, Seifer doesn't even talk about revenge anymore and actually _apologized_ to me for his behavior."

Selphie's eyes bugged out of her head. "No way!" She read over the letter again. "I just... I'll believe it when I see it, but even thinking of therapy... it's a step, right? Right?" She looked towards her friends for the answer.

Quistis gently squeezed Selphie's shoulder. "We can't answer that, Selphie. You have to do you for you. _Only_ you. You're the only person who can know what you need and for _once_ , please, do what makes you happy."

The nunchaku-wielding firecracker nodded thoughtfully. "Thanks, Quisty..."

There was a pause as neither Rinoa nor Quistis knew what else to say as they contemplated Irvine's letter. Selphie suddenly started to giggle uncontrollably, making the other girls question the girls' current sanity. "Seriously though, can you imagine...Irvy...talking about his feelings…to a _therapist_?"

For the first time in three weeks, Selphie laughed. For that, everyone appreciated Irvine, at least for a second.

* * *

After spending time in the Training Center with Irvine, Squall stalked towards Rinoa's room, a man on a mission. He opened her door with his Commander's override code without knocking. Rinoa was standing in the bedroom area of the studio and Squall locked eyes with her, moving towards her like a lion who had just eyed it’s prey.

After seeing the look in his eyes, Rinoa actually looked somewhat apprehensive of his presence, but also fascinated.

_(Vulnerability, safety, vulnerability, safety.)_

Rinoa quivered slightly, her voice a mix of delight and fear. "Sq...Squall?"

Squall strode towards her and pushed her backwards until her knees hit the edge of her bed. His slender body seemingly towered over her, and she fell back on the bed, leaning back on her elbows as she looked up at him. She seemed so tiny and fragile underneath him, like he could break her into pieces with just his gaze.

"Rinoa," he said softly, his voice a calm tenderness in comparison to his hovering, intimidating frame. 

Rinoa’s eyes were closed, and she gulped audibly as his breath tickled her lips. Squall could see her shivering slightly and he longed to envelope her body with his own.

She opened her mouth to speak but Squall stopped her with a very gentle kiss. Chaste. Not the kiss she was likely expecting from the predator hovered above her. Rinoa opened her mouth to speak again, but this time Squall pressed a finger against her lips, begging silence. "Please...let me," Squall whispered against her, his mouth brushing against her own as he spoke.

Rinoa nodded mutely.

"I love you," he confessed in a near whisper.

Her eyes snapped open and met his. Squall could practically smell the joy and desire willowing off her, her gaze betraying just how long she had waited to hear him say those words. “Say…say it again. Please?”

“I love you.” It came easier this time. It was the most obvious thing in the world. Why hadn’t he been screaming it from rooftops ages ago?

Before she could respond, Squall smashed his insistent mouth to hers. But this kiss was anything but chaste. His body pressed her onto the bed, crushing her beneath him as his lips assailed hers, found her cheeks, her neck, any skin he could taste. His hands joined in the roaming, trailing anywhere and everywhere, any fear he had previously of touching her had disappeared with his confession.

He felt her hands hesitantly return the gesture, fingers gently grazing along his chest. There was fire under her fingertips and it made Squall shiver. 

This was better than heaven. Surely, they were both dead.

_(Yes...I did it. If this is vulnerability... I should have done it a long time ago.)_

They were interrupted by a loud crash and a voice screaming. " _Booyaka! Go Squall!”_

Another voice mumbled. "About time..."

_(No... dammit..._ )

Squall mentally facepalmed and didn't dare turn around. He could already imagine Selphie bouncing around excitedly behind him while simultaneously updating her blog with this latest turn of events. Next to her would be a shocked Quistis with a broken coffee cup at her feet. Instead of bothering to turn around and confirm what he already suspected, Squall simply nuzzled into Rinoa's neck, inhaling deeply, memorizing her scent.

( _Maybe I should have knocked...)_


	12. Week 10: Intimacy

**In Treatment**

**Week 10: Intimacy**

* * *

_(It finally happened.)_

He realized this as he was knocking furiously at the front door of a corner home in downtown Balamb. With a backyard that backed up into the ocean, prime real estate. Squall also realized that he didn't even know what time it was, but that it was very dark, very quiet, and likely not an appropriate time to be knocking on someone's door. Someone that he wasn't even officially given the address of. An _unlisted_ address. An address he obtained by going into Garden's system.

He was pretty sure he broke some codes of conduct by looking into Garden's system to get this address. Actually, he knew every rule he had broken, since he had Garden's rule book memorized. Article 3, Section 18.5, Article 6, Section 3...

_(I don't even have my gunblade. I've definitely lost it. I may as well be naked.)_

The front had a neatly cared for garden with a few tomato and strawberry plants as well as various flowers. There was a pair of muddy women's running shoes tossed by the door, obviously taken off as to not track dirt into the home.

_(I never pictured her as a runner. Then again… I don't really know anything about her.)_

Squall shivered slightly. Not only had he forgotten his gunblade, he didn't even have his jacket. Realizing that the owner of the home, or whomever came to the door, would have every right to call some authorities on him he paused his knocking, contemplating his next move.

It was during this contemplation that the porch light was turned on and Squall could hear the sound of someone peering through the peephole on the other side of the door. Some angry mumbling was followed by the distinct sound of locks clinking and the door opened revealing a man in his forties with salt and pepper hair, a five o’clock shadow, and Moomba pajama pants. The man looked at him expectantly.

_(Shit.)_

"I…" Squall began. "I'm sorry, I…."

_(I’m at the wrong house.)_

The man eyed him up and down and pursed his lips thoughtfully. He turned around and headed to the stairs that were across the threshold inside, leaving the door open and ignoring Squall.

As the man shuffled up the stairs he called out. "Georgie? You have another one." After he got half way up, he turned back down to where Squall was still standing into the open doorway. Looking at Squall like he was a complete moron, he made a motion with his hand indicating Squall should come in.

"Don't just stand there, kid, come in, take off your shoes, and close the door."

Squall complied and took off his boots as he noticed the stacks of shoes in the entryway.

_(Who the hell is Georgie? Where am I? And why did I just come into this house? If I don't make it through this, at least I didn't die a virgin.)_

Squall involuntarily blushed thinking about what had transpired mere hours ago.

Voices came from the top of the stairs, a murmured conversation and then a familiar female voice. "Another one? Hmm… ah, I can guess who that is."

Followed by the man's voice. "Seems pretty lost, confused...I understand…Of course."

The stairs creaked as someone began to descend them. Squall took up a defensive position until he saw the familiar face of Dr. G walking down. She was wrapped in a silk robe with slippers covered in chocobos. Her hair was down and wavy, ending in the center of her back.

Squall realized three things in that moment as she walked down the stairs. First, Dr. G was a blonde. He had never realized that before somehow. Second, he had never seen her without her glasses or with her hair down. And lastly, she was a lot younger and more attractive than he realized. Sure, she was fifteen years older than him at least, but still. She was… beautiful. Squall felt uncomfortable even thinking that word about her.

_(When the hell did she become a woman? Was she always a pretty woman? Sweet Hyne, what is wrong with me?)_

His thoughts were interrupted by Dr. G's hand waving in front of his face. "Squall? It's nearly three in the morning. Is everything okay?"

Squall realized she was motioning for him to enter a pair of French doors next to the stairs that seemed to open into a home office.

"Uh…" Squall realized that coming here was on an impulse and suddenly understood he didn't know the answer to that question. Why _was_ he here?

He made his way through the doors to find a large couch, two comfortable looking chairs facing each other and a large mahogany desk in a corner. The walls had built in bookcases that were filled with books and various trinkets. It looked comfortable and well used. Sleeping on the couch was a rather large orange tabby cat who looked non-plussed at people entering its territory.

( _It's a sign. I'm getting a cat. It looks like as much of an asshole as I am. We're perfect for each other.)_

Dr. G brushed past him and put an electric kettle on, pulling out a mug and placing a teabag inside. "Tea?" she offered to him.

Squall shook his head and began to pace the room, examining some of the various nick-knacks on the shelves. The first thing he noticed was a snow globe that said "EDGE" on the bottom. It had a city inside. Squall had never been there before, but was sure he had heard it mentioned before.

Without turning from the kettle, Dr. G answered his unspoken question. "It's the city Cloud lives in. He gave it to me a while ago, I guess as a thank you present. Believe it or not, you're not the first person who has shown up at my house in the middle of the night. My poor dear husband."

Dr. G chuckled softly and then settled into the chair by the desk, cupping her hot tea in between her hands. The cat jumped down from the couch and promptly hopped onto her lap, turning around in circles until it found the spot it wanted.

She didn't say anything else, just watched Squall as he eyed things in the office. 

( _She must be waiting for me to say something. I don't even know what to say. I hate this game_.)

He spotted a picture of three children obviously dressed up for the holidays in a frame. The kids were all smiling and in front of a fireplace in what looked like a Trabian ski resort. Something in all their faces looked familiar.

"You have kids," Squall stated matter-of-factly. 

( _Of course she has kids, moron. She's probably old enough to date Laguna_.) 

Squall shuddered involuntarily.

The Commander, not for the first time this evening, realized how _little_ he knew about Dr. G. All he knew was that she was the sister-in-law of Garden’s Dr. Kadowaki. In fact, the man who opened the door was probably Dr. Kadowaki’s brother. Dr. "G" referred to her first name, Georgiana. 

( _That's why her husband calls her Georgie, of course_.)

She was a medical doctor, a psychiatrist. Based on the diploma on her wall, she was likely Estharian. Today was the first time he realized she had blonde hair, and was prettier and younger than he had previously thought. 

( _I wonder if she does that on purpose. To seem less intimidating and more matronly? Put people's guards down.)_

For some reason, seeing the picture of her children, Squall felt a tinge of sadness. Was it jealousy? He wasn't sure.

Dr. G continued to watch him take in his surroundings. "Yes. I do have children. My oldest son is a student at Garden. He wants to be a pilot. My daughter goes to the local Balamb school and my youngest will start school next year."

 _(Garden? I really know nothing about this woman, I've probably trained her kid…She knows all our secrets, but we know none of hers.)_

Spying a framed piece on the wall snapped Squall out of his thoughts. "Why do you have a framed blueprint of the mobility mechanism for Garden above your desk?"

"I'm sorry?" Dr. G blinked at him, confused, and then followed his gaze. "Oh that? I'm surprised you can recognize the engine from the blueprint. Then again, of course you would. That is the _original_ design, actually. My husband owns the patent. He designed it, after all. _Years_ ago.”

She let out a slight chuckle. “That's how his sister got the job as head physician at Balamb Garden. We went to college and medical school together, you know, _your_ Dr. Kadowaki and me. She introduced me to her older brother, who was already designing that system at the time, and the rest, as they say, is that."

Squall was surprised at how candid she was being with him and decided to press for more. A question that had bothered him for a while. 

( _Why help with trauma, why deal with all of people's crap?_ _I would go nuts if I had to deal with those guys all the time.)_

"Why did you go into psychiatry? And… make the group."

Dr. G did not meet his eyes and was gently petting the cat on her lap, who began to purr. "I grew up in the first Sorceress War, Squall. We saw…many things. I went into medicine wanting to help. During school, I realized that instead of healing bodies, I could help heal somewhere else," She tapped her head with her free hand. Saying nothing else, Squall realized that was the extent of the explanation he was going to get.

Dr. G cleared her throat. "Now, shall I explain every object in this room to you while you figure out what you'd like to talk about?"

With that question, she retrieved an extra pair of glasses from her desk and put them on. Squall somehow felt better, it was like a mother was back, rather than…something else.

"Let's see," she continued after a pause. "That is an award for my daughter's first black belt. That is a sword Magus brought me which is apparently quite rare. An interesting gift, I suppose. That is the trophy I won at a Triple Triad tournament for all of Galbadia. Tidus brought me that blitzball, it's signed by a team I don't know, apparently, they are rather famous. He was very excited—"

_(She knows I'll do anything to make this stop. Especially if Tidus is brought up…)_

Squall held up a hand indicating she could stop, and plopped down in the inviting chair across from Dr. G. She stopped talking and sat quietly, holding her tea again, waiting for Squall to speak. They were both silent for a long minute, during which the tabby cat jumped from Dr. G's lap and hesitantly hopped up onto Squall's. The cat sniffed him a few times before curling onto his lap and kneading its claws into his pants.

"I, ah…I was able to tell Rinoa that I loved her," Squall finally said. 

( _Hyne, I sound so freaking lame. I come crying to mommy because I told a girl my feelings? Did I just think of her as **mommy**? Where did that come from?)_

Dr. G raised her eyebrows, but didn't say anything, waiting for Squall to continue.

It worked, and Squall went on, speaking rapidly. "I told her, and…well, some things happened, and…then I came here."

An expert Squall observer would have noticed the slightest blush as he said it.

"You told her you loved her, left, and came _here_? In the middle of the night?" Dr. G questioned.

_(Well, when she says it like that, I really do sound crazy.)_

Dr. G continued. "Squall, why did you come here tonight? How did you _feel_ after you had this moment with Rinoa? Did she reciprocate your feelings?"

Squall nodded. “She did…return them. I left when she was asleep. I definitely didn’t _run_ or anything. _”_

 _(Yes, I did.)_

"I felt afraid after it all happened," he admitted quietly. "Like the world was going to end."

Dr. G frowned. "Why would the world end?"

"She… she would change her mind."

"So, the other shoe would drop, so to speak. So, there are only two scenarios at play? Either you are fine with Rinoa and happy and the world is at peace, or the entire world ends and she leaves? My, my... faith is not your strong suit. Tell me, Squall, are there other areas in your life when you polarize like this?"

Squall blinked. "Polarize?"

Dr. G nodded. "Yes. Black and white. Good and bad. You see this in young kids, if they have a favorite parent, the other one has to be the 'least-favorite'. If one person is good, the rival must be evil. No gray. No room for subtlety."

"...maybe?" 

( _Yes. Me versus Seifer.)_

"The world is gray, Squall, and I need you to hear something important here. During the first Sorceress War there were many orphans. Many, who didn't' have the benefit of having a Matron to care for them when they cried. You would see babies who learned to not cry because crying wouldn't help. No one was going to pick them up.

This trauma greatly affected them as adults. They have tremendous trouble ever trusting. After children learn to trust, they learn about their surroundings as they enter toddlerhood. Stove is hot and bad. Mom is good. But, you can get _stuck_ in this black and white mentality as well.

I see many people, older than you, who still view things in this lens, and what I often find, is that some _trauma_ happened between the ages of three to five. Then, when stress happens as an adult, you regress back to this infantile thinking of the world. Black and white is appropriate and normal for a three-year-old, but it is a _childish_ view. It is not appropriate thinking for an adult. When stressed, you revert back to what is comfortable before…before anything bad happened in your life. Does this sound familiar?"

_(Sis was gone when I was four. I was alone)_

Dr. G seemed to read his mind. "You aren't alone, Squall. You have many people who care for you…and, even _if_ someone stops caring for you because _life_ happens, the world _won't_ end. I _promise,_ it will keep turning. But, a very good way to push people away, is to put them into black and white boxes. If they are in a box, there is no room for any…flaws, or nuance. Humans are far too complicated to not have nuance. People will only tolerate being pushed away for so long."

_(Laguna doesn't have to be bad for Raine to have been perfect…or for Sis to have been perfect.)_

Dr. G continued. "Do you really believe Rinoa will change her mind and leave? Or would you rather leave first, because that's easier than being truly intimate?"

_(Ouch, that hurt worse than a T-Rexaur bite.)_

She went on, digging deeper. "Is _true_ intimacy, and I don't mean the _physical_ kind. Is it _that_ scary? Do you want to be someone who lives in fear, Squall?"

Squall shook his head and stood abruptly, getting a frustrated mew from the cat that was unceremoniously tossed off his lap. "Thank you, doc," he said sincerely. She always seemed to know what to say and when to push.

_(Totally getting a cat.)_

Dr. G gave him a knowing smile. "Get back home safely, Squall."

She stood and ushered him to the door, the cat was following behind him, apparently deciding to go outside as well. Dr. G opened the door for both of them and quietly said. "Good job, you go kill those bad animals digging in the garden."

It took Squall about ten minutes to realize she had been talking to the cat and not him.

_(Kill stuff? Be a moody jerk? I'm definitely a cat person.)_

There was one other thing that was left unsaid as he walked out. He had known, for two weeks now, that he had completed his mandatory visits to the group therapy. It was only earlier that evening, after seeing an email from Cid, that he knew that Dr. G was aware as well. She had signed off on paperwork and turned it into Cid yesterday. Yet, she didn't say anything to him about it. What did that mean for group?

* * *

When Squall re-entered Rinoa's room, the red hues of dawn were slowly peaking over the clouds. He silently prayed to Hyne that Rinoa hadn't woken up and realized he'd left.

Hyne was not that kind in return.

Rinoa was getting back into her bed, seemingly having just come from the washroom.

_(Shit. Shit. Shit. I've managed to completely ruin this.)_

Surprisingly, Rinoa just smiled at him and patted the spot next to her on the bed as she rubbed sleep from her eyes. Squall tossed off his boots and opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He mutely slipped into the bed and pulled Rinoa into his chest with more force than he realized as she 'mmfed' into him.

"mgmfldi lfligjs, Squall." She mumbled.

"What was that?" Squall loosened his grip. 

( _I forget how small she is.)_

"I knew you'd be back. I wasn't worried." She said softly into his chest.

He marveled at how much she seemed to read his mind, even when she wasn't actually doing so. Squall felt a huge wave of relief, sadness, and joy at the same time. 

( _How can she have that much faith in me? If she had done the same thing to me. Disappearing after finally going all the way…Let’s just say there would have been a lot of dead things in the training center.)_

He loved her even more in that moment. Maybe this was the hint of the "true intimacy" garbage Dr. G was spouting on about.

Rinoa giggled slightly. "I mean, your gunblade is right over there. No way you were gonna be gone for long without that thing. Plus your jacket..."

Squall mentally facepalmed and then grabbed Rinoa, flopping her underneath him and giving her a quick kiss, before leaning his head down and whispering in her ear. "I love you, you know that?"

Each time he repeated it. It got a little bit easier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In reference to Squall's view of Dr. G and the strange things he is feeling. This happens in therapy and is called "transference", when people are exploring deep psychological relationships and emotions, they sometimes transfer their feelings onto the therapist. Often the feelings they have to a parent, or partner. So, a lot of Squall's issues are stemming from losing Raine and Sis, so he would transfer a maternal feeling towards Dr. G. These feelings can get really complex and can be confused for attraction, hence why Squall is realizing Dr. G is a real person.


	13. Epilogue: Trust

**In Treatment**

**Epilogue: Trust**

* * *

Just because Dr. G had told Cid that Squall had completed his mandatory sessions didn't mean he wasn't welcome anymore, right? He had already gone to the group two more times beyond his required sessions, but apparently Dr. G hadn't given the green light to Cid until the other week. Did she know about the attendance recommendation all along? Were there rules about coming and going? Squall felt hurt, in a way, that she hadn't said anything. Maybe she didn't want to embarrass him in front of people? Or force him to explain that he only came in the first place because he was required to. It was infuriating.

_(I am such a loser.)_

Squall turned around for the third time in a span of five minutes, heading back towards the community center where group was held. He had been debating for nearly an hour in Garden before coming down to Balamb, trying to decide if he should attend. Well, that wasn't completely true. He _wanted_ to attend.

In fact, he also, finally, had admitted that he probably _should_.

The hesitancy was if he was _welcome_ anymore. Somehow, the knowledge that Dr. G had signed some paper letting him off the hook for mandatory therapy felt like she had dumped him. She didn’t want him anymore. It sucked. On the other hand, she was filling out a form that was part of her job. Maybe it wasn’t personal?

_(I swear therapy is making me crazier. Why am I so nervous to go into a room I've been in plenty of times before? The guys who are looking at the security footage from this building must be having a field day.)_

He was anxious. He was afraid. What was it that Dr. G said? When something causes extreme anxiety it's a clue to look into it. It's a sign of something from your past. Squall briefly wondered if Zell was starved as a child, given the panic he had when hotdogs ran out on Wednesdays. 

( _No…Zell is just… a very unrefined eater.)_

Shaking the mental image of Zell cramming his mouth full of hotdogs, Squall sighed. If he was being honest with himself, he knew _exactly_ why he was anxious. It was the same thing that made him terrified to ever kiss Rinoa, even more terrified to tell her he loved her, terrified to welcome Seifer back to Garden, terrified to actually hear what Laguna had to say, terrified of getting close to Selphie, Zell, Quistis, sometimes Irvine….

He was absolutely terrified of one thing.

_(Rejection.)_

_(What if…What if she doesn't want me there anymore?)_

_(How fucked up am I going to be if even my therapist rejects me?)_

_(But I won't live in fear. That's what she said, right?)_

After all, Rinoa hadn't rejected him after he ran out in the middle of the night _after_ consummating their relationship, sneaking off while she slept. 

( _I'm definitely kind of a dick.)_

If he wasn't going to get rejected after that, it seemed, the odds were finally in his favor. Setting his jaw resolutely, Squall opened the door to the community center and walked into the room that held the group. He could hear Dr. G's voice, apparently all his procrastinating meant that group had already been going on for thirty minutes.

( _And after all that, I'm gonna be late. Hyne, I really am a loser.)_

He quietly opened the door. Dr. G was in the middle of discussing something.

"…he's playing a game with you. A _mind_ game. We call this game _'Why don't you-- yes, but_ '. He has complained that his relationship is problematic, but yet every time someone offers a solution it can't be done. The _'yes, but'_. Why don't you try counseling? _'Yes, but, we don't have the money_.' Why don't you try a free group at the community center? _'Yes, but she works that day_.' Why don't you do the Timber community center? ' _Yes, but she hates driving_.'”

“There is always an excuse, and the _game_ is that he is getting what he wants by arguing with people offering help. That way he never has to actually _do_ anything. There was a psychiatrist who described…" Dr. G paused when she noticed Squall walk in. She flashed him an extremely warm smile.

Squall immediately felt like a complete idiot for being so hesitant to come. Grabbing a cup of coffee, he took a seat next to Cloud.

Dr. G was finishing up. "… people play games. We _all_ do. Some are good, some are bad. You have to figure out what game is being played to be able to get out of it. Winning isn't necessarily a good thing."

Cloud cleared his throat. "Can I address the elephant in the room?"

Squall internally groaned. 

( _Please don't call me out, Cloud. I'm late, I feel stupid, just let it go.)_

Dr. G nodded. "Sure."

Cloud gestured as if he was measuring someone’s height to Dr. G. "What's up with…the get up?"

Squall finally took a chance to really look over at Dr G. She was wearing a black ball gown that shimmered and had a more daring slit that he would have expected from her. Her hair was done in a tasteful up-do and she wore makeup. A lot more than he was used to. She was definitely dressed for a black-tie affair.

Dr. G laughed. "What? I wear this every Friday, don’t I? No, if you must know, my husband is being honored at a gala tonight, I actually am going to have to cut group short so that I can make it, my ride should be here any minute."

Tidus whistled. Squall rolled his eyes.

Dr. G stood up gracefully and headed to the door. She stopped by Squall as she was walking out. "Oh, Squall. When you're late, you have to bring the cookies next time, okay?"

Squall snorted and hid a small smile behind his hand.

"Hey guys!" Tidus yelled while staring out the window. "Check it out! Dr. G is getting in some super fancy limo!"

Squall chose that moment to exit the building, as to not be subjected to listening to Tidus speak any longer than he was forced to. As he was walking back towards Garden, a long black limo pulled up beside him and the window began to roll down. Squall raised an eyebrow and stopped walking. Maybe there was a problem and he had to fix a tire or something? He was not expecting, nor was he prepared for, Laguna to speak to him from the window.

"Squall!" Laguna called, motioning for him to come closer. "I was hoping I might run into you since I was in Balamb. Sorry for not calling in advance, I didn't want to bother you, and well…" Laguna rubbed the back of neck nervously.

Squall grunted non-committedly then nodded to two other people he saw in the limo. "Kiros. Ward."

Ward gave him a thumbs up and Kiros nodded. They shifted slightly and he saw another man in the limo, wearing a tux. He looked extremely familiar, but Squall didn't recognize him clean shaven and not wearing Moomba pajamas. Next to him, was Dr. G.

_(Why is Dr. G with Laguna? Has she been telling him about what I said about him?)_

If the man recognized Squall, he made no notice of it. In fact, neither did Dr. G, though she did have a twinkle in her eye.

"Squall, this is Jin Kadowaki, he's Dr. Kadowaki's older brother, and is the engineer responsible for most of Esthar. This is his wife, Georgiana," Laguna motioned to Dr. G and her husband.

Apparently, Laguna was under the impression they were acquainted. Squall was extremely relieved. The thought of Dr. G telling Laguna anything about him was upsetting. The look on his face must have given him away, however, because Laguna looked back and forth between Dr. G and Squall. "Do you two…know each other?"

Dr. G laughed and shook her head. "Not really, Laguna. I've run into the young Commander at the Garden while visiting Akane perhaps? I'm sure we've briefly crossed paths."

_(Thank Hyne.)_

Laguna nodded enthusiastically. "Of course, of course. Anyway, Squall, we’re all going to this gala. You should come!" He made motions to try and open the limo door.

Squall wanted to run.

He could hear Dr. G's voice cutting through. "Laguna, this would be boring for a young man, don't you think? It's Friday night, he probably has plans. Don't force the poor boy."

_(Thank you, Dr. G.)_

Laguna laughed. "Of course, of course! Anyway, Squall, let's get coffee soon. Please? Maybe tomorrow, you know I have to come back to Balamb, because…"

This time Dr. G's husband cut in. "President Loire, I have to give a speech in forty-five minutes."

"Oh right, right, of course. Well, bye Squall!" Laguna rolled up the window and the limo sped off.

_(Thank Hyne.)_

Squall gave a small wave as the limo sped off. He recalled the pamphlet that sat at the seats of newcomers to the group that laid out the rules. Confidentiality was one. His trust was not misplaced. 

( _Trust? Trust._ _I trusted.)_

_(I **trusted.** )_

_(Maybe this is what they call a breakthrough.)_

In the distance the limo stopped again for a group of people that were walking away from Balamb. Squall could see the hand of Laguna sticking out the window, making introductions and Rinoa introducing herself with a little curtsey.

Thankfully Rinoa wasn't jumping up and down screaming ' _You're the lady who made my boyfriend not be such an aloof jerk all the time_!' At least Rinoa had enough sense to act innocent. 

( _Innocent, my ass. She's a sneaky little minx._ )

Selphie _was_ jumping up and down, but that _was_ normal. Squall rolled his eyes.

( _She's probably fangirling over Laguna.)_

To Squall's extreme surprise, Quistis, of all people, seemed to be fangirling as well. He had never seen her so…Excited? 

( _This is the most disturbing thing I've seen in my entire life. Please don't also have a crush on Laguna, Quistis. You're too smart for that.)_

The limo door opened, and Dr G's husband exited, looking mildly annoyed. Quistis reached out a hand and shook Dr. G's husband’s over and over while talking at what appeared to be warp speed. 

( _Quistis must know him from his work.)_

The last person of the group was Irvine. He had been holding Selphie's hand and tipped a hat to the limo. 

( _I guess he's out of the doghouse. So help me Irvine, if Selphie so much as sniffles, you are gone to guard the monastery in Northern Trabia. Not because I care, of course, but because she will sit there and bug Rinoa and me for hours and I won't get any alone time with her so I can…)_

His thought process was halted as he noticed Rinoa running down the street towards him as the limo sped off yet again. Squall had been spotted. His smile widened and he ran towards her as well. He didn't care who saw anymore even if he looked like an idiot in love.

It was true, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read this story and thank you for all the lovely comments. I hope you enjoyed :)


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